Light streamed into the room, shining onto his hair, making it glow crimson.

Omi: AYA-KUN! YOUR HAIR IS GLOWING!

Aya:…

The colors shifted with every brief, clipped movement, different shades of red and purple dancing through the strands. Beautiful, colors rivaling those of the mixture of petals he was sweeping into a neat little pile.

This was sounding nice and poetic until the author compared Aya’s hair to what he was sweeping.

Not that I work in a flower shop myself, but I don’t think the flower is very healthy if its shedding everywhere.

His violet eyes shifted around the room as he worked,

Whose eyes? Why aren’t they in his damn head?

Aya: Come back here.

Fan-girl#1: EEEWWWw!

Fan-girl#2: I’ll bring your eyes back to you—eeww! It’s all slimy!

casting glares at the squealing school girls who seemed to know everything about them all, from their blood type to their star sign. No one seemed to mind, either that or they didn't notice because they were so used to the silent man.

He never smiled, but no one expected him to. No one had ever seen him do so to think much about it. It was Aya ... what more needed to be said?

How about a last name?

Ken shifted, his eyes playing over Aya's pale face,

Ken’s eyes: WHHEE! We’re having fun! *bounce bounce*

Aya:…

Omi: Ken, get your eyes off of Aya.

Ken’s eyes: * Still playing on Aya’s face* *bounce bounce* Wheee!

Okay, someone’s HANDS on their face can sound romantic, someone’s LIPS can be romantic, TONGUE even, but EYES? That’s just gross.

wishing the man *would* smile, wishing he could make the man smile, even briefly.

Give him some Prozac and alcohol, and your job is done.

Maybe if you dressed up as a funny clown…

Aya: Can’t sleep…clown will eat me…Can’t sleep…clown will eat me…

It didn't seem right that someone as young as Aya always hid behind what Ken knew was a mask. Surely he was truly as cold as he seemed.

If he were that cold, physically, he’d be dead, or maybe even frozen.

Announcer: Now, buy your own Aya-icicle! Comes complete with a frosty glare, and the hideous orange sweater!

Aya:….

Ken sighed hopelessly, barely making a noise. Then blinked in suprise when he noticed a very tall presence at his shoulder

Ken: When did you get tall?

Yoji: I found these great heels

Ken: Stilletto dominatrix boots…?

Omi: To each his own

Ken: Says the guy wearing a skirt! Casual day has gone too far!

Aya: I like this dress, thank you very much!

Yoji:—would like to take a break in my room and let me tie you up.

Ken: *still staring at Aya…or his ass…* huh?

Someone take those damn eyes and shove them back in the sockets where they belong! There’s some weirdo wandering around with two holes in his head, smacking into things!

thought these orchids would look good in the arrangement you're doing."

*Cough* *cough* Symbolism! *cough*

*Cough Cough* Inuendo! *Cough*

Especially since Yoji is thinking of inserting them into Ken’s bouquet.

Like the rest of the damn person to go with those damn eyes!

Ken: Have you seen my eyes?

Ken’s eyes: *chasing Aya.*

Yoji: You don’t want to know.

chocolate brown eyes shifting from the pot to the stems of light pink flowers

How many fucking eyes are floating around here? This is getting creepy!

Random person: Look, I can take off my eyes and NOSE! So Ha!

Yoji was holding out. ::Something *is* missing, but I was thinking more along the lines of a few white roses::

*Cough* *cough* Symbolism! *cough*

Is someone talking? Orchids? Whiter roses? Is Yohji getting married?

Yoji: Oh, look! I found this bargain bride dress!

Ken mused inwardly. "Arigato," he took the orchids from Yoji and placed them strategically in the vase the took

Took? When did we suddenly get into Lord of the Rings? No!!! No more hobbits!

a slight step back to observe. "Subarashii!"

Yohji: Yo-tan has decided to speak in third person.

He stood there for a moment longer while Ken began to absently shift the different flowers, brown eyes staring past them at Aya again as the man continued to sweep, oblivious.

Ken: Yohji, if you REALLY want to be helpful, could you get those floating eyes out of here, it’s creeping people out, and they’re making everything slimy.

Yoji: But I can’t see anything…

Yoji’s eyes: EEEEE! Ken!

Ken: AAAAAAAH! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Yoji’s eyes: Ken!

Ken: *Runs off*

Omi: We lose more soccer players that way…

Yoji looked at his watch and Ken saw him give a short wave then head to the door.

Yohji: Trust Yo-tan to get you anything you need, except when Yo-tan is on a lunch break.

---or on Sundays, and only on Mondays thru Fridays from 11:00 to 7:00, …

"Yoji!" Omi piped from the register. "Where're you going? It's the afternoon rush!" the blond boy switched wide blue eyes

---for big, bloodshot yellow ones---

from the crowd of school girl back to Yoji.

--his ass.

him.

--and his ass.

Aya: Ken, I think these are yours, you mind putting them back in your head? Now where’d the other pair of eyes get to?

Yoji’s eyes: KEN!

Ken: Get away from me!

The brown haired boy blushed, his eyes shooting down to the flowers

Aya: I SAID PUT THOSE DAMN THINGS IN YOUR HEAD! Get them out of the display right this minute!

when Aya raised a burgundy brow questioningly. Ken picked the arrangement up and placed it carefully on a shelf before striding quickly past Aya and into the back room.

"Move the pots while you're back there," Omi called after him. Leaving the door open he moved obediently over to the assortment terra cotta pots lining the floor, waiting to be put away.

"You need to stop that, Hidaka," he muttered to himself on a sigh.

Yeah, you know that all of the other florists take advantage of Ken. (Unfortunately, not like that) Is it a coincidence that he’s the only one that has to carry the pots while the others talk to (and in Aya’s case, ignore) the schoolgirls? I think not! Kenken needs to stand up for himself! Let the others do hard labor!

Ken: Yeah! I’m my own self and no one is pushing me around! Damnit, I’m an independent and woman with my own thoughts dreams and goals…er, guy with my own, ah shit, I screwed up.

"Sooner or later he's going to get tired of being looked at and lob off your head with his katana."

Sooner or later I’m going to figure out who just said this.., or maybe not.

But he couldn't help it, no matter how hard he tried to, even if the very notion of Aya sharing Ken's interest was hopeless.

Even if he did, what? Where’s the rest of the stupid sentence?

He was as much a gods' gift to women as Yoji acted.

A god? Which god? I really don’t think the Mars’s gift to women would be really good… Aphrodite’s might be really cool.

But come to think of it, Ken had never actually seen Aya with a woman...

Ken has never seen Aya…

1) With a guy.

2) With a girl

3) With anyone.

5) Show emotion.

6) Do anything but glare and/or kill

7) Naked.

8) Ice skate while wearing a tutu.

9) Sing

10) Say more than 5 sentences in an hour

11) NOT glare

"No! Just stop thinking about it, Ken. Impossible is impossible.

And yaoi is yaoi. Your point being?

And this fic by any other name would still be just as dumb.

None of them even know *you're* gay to begin with. And it's going to stay that way," he sighed.

That meant he would have to hide his porno magazines better. It also meant he’d have to get the OTHER ear pierced too.

Ken didn't even want to think about what Yoji would do to him if he found out.

Try to convert him to the republican party?

This had to violate one of the blonde's personal gods or something.

Personal Gods? Yohji? Yohji’s personal God is himself.

Bending, he picked up one of the pots that would probably house a tree someday and carried it over to a bare shelf. "Why do you keep staring at me, Hidaka?" a quietly deep voice came from behind him. Ken jumped, his grip on the overly heavy pot slipping.

Stand up for yourself, Hidaka! Don’t let the others make you do the heavy lifting! Stop being a pushover!

Ken would probably be used to any of the other guys and the schoolgirls talking to him. Unless Schwartz showed up, he wouldn’t be disturbed at all. And if Schwartz DID show up, he’d throw the giant pot at them.

He scrambled downward quickly,

So he rapidly dug a hole? He was stanidng on the floor. You can’t get more downward than that without a shovel.

Omi: What is Ken doing?

Ken: *dig dig dig*

Yoji: What IS he doing?

Ken: *dig dig dig*

placing the pot on the ground before he could drop it. Ken turned, twisting his sleeves as he raised brown eyes to the foreboding red head. "A-Aya! Gomen, I didn't hear you walk in," he said, eyeing Aya's hand suspiciously.

That hand…it has six fingers…the count with six fingers…

But Aya was right there three seconds ago, asking him to put his eyes where they belonged and the display on the shelf.

::No katana... that's a relief.::

"Answer the question," Aya rumbled, violet gaze steady.

Ken: Blue no—Yelooooooo Augh!

"Question?" Ken pulled on a dark brown bang, turning to shift a rose bush slightly to one side then move further into the room to gently spritz some zinnia with it's waiting water. He could hear Aya following, his light, thoughtful footsteps barely making a sound. That was one of the things that Ken admired most about him.

His footsteps which somehow manage to be thoughtful? And how the heck can you admire thoughtful footsteps?

The same way you admire hair which is glowing the color of dead petals.

The ability to think things through before acting,

The ability to not form fragments.

whereas Ken... Well, didn't.

That footsteps aren’t even tangible nouns, let alone sentient.

Footsteps: Should I step here? Ummm…no. Should I step here? Yes…but lightly…

::How am I going to explain this?! Oh, yes Aya. I stare because I like men and, as it happens, I'm madly in love with you, you cold bastard? ...Love?:: Ken blinked before resuming his spritzing. ::Yeah, that sounds right:: he thought sadly.

The old ‘This is kinda embarrassing, but…’ usually works. I use it all the time.

A hand fell onto Ken's shoulder and he was turned around abruptly

Ken: AAAAH! Get it off! Get it off! There’s a dismembered hand on my shoulder! First my eyes go off on their own and now this! Aaah!

so that he was face to face with Aya. "You heard me, Ken." Brown eyes widened, staring into violet helplessly.

Ken: can’t …move…eyes…HELP!

Aya: And now, little mortal…I shall drink your blood…

::What to s...:: But before he even had a chance to finish the thought, Ken leaned forward and softly laid his lips against Aya's.

::Find me a spade, Aya doesn't need his katana. I'll save him the trouble and kill myself::

How? A spade is a tool used to dig. Exactly how is he going to kill himself with that? Bury himself?

Once he jumps in the hole, how’s he going to put the dirt on top of himself?

Ken: little help, Aya?

Aya: *twitch* knocks Ken out.

he thought graciously as the redhead stiffened.

Now, if the whole story had started with this sentence—maybe it should, consider the first part was completely useless—the reader might think they just stumbled into a pedophilia porn fic.

Ken was obviously waiting for almost certain death and Aya shook his in amusement head,

Shook his in amusement head?

Almost certain death? Does that mean afterwards someone can take him to Miracle Max and bring him back to life to stop the evil prince and put some DAMN humor and DAMN plot and DAMN emotion in this fic?

wondering briefly why he really didn't want to fulfill that expectation.

::Why hadn't I realized before how adorable Ken is?:: Then, doing the exact opposite of what the younger man expected and suprising himself in the process, Aya slanted his mouth over Ken's.

Slanted his mouth? Who’s writing this, Picasso?

Yoji: *walks in* AAAAAAH! Aya is trying to eat Ken!

His tongue ran forcefully over the line between Ken's lips, pressing itself against Ken's teeth so that they parted before he plunged inside.

At which point, Aya stopped kissing him, freaked out, and then vowed to eliminate all body parts floating around in the shop.

his tongue uncertainly flicking over Aya's. Aya tangled his fingers in Ken's hair,

Than decided to go and get a hairbrush, because a squirrels nest of hair was a turn off.

bending him slightly backward

*CRAACK*

Ken: Aaaaah! YOU BROKE MY BACK!

Aya:…

Ken: Aya?

Aya: That hasn’t happen before…

as he deepened the kiss further,

So that he was now tasting Aya’s tonsils which, by the way, taste like strawberry ice cream and green tea.

lips moving bruisingly,

"Bruisingly?" well, this word can kiss my ass, insultingly.

That word is annoyingly-ing-ing-ly-ly-ing

drawing a slight, keening noise from the brunet's throat..

Ken: *smacks Aya* Why did you do that?

lips were parted, his gaze unfocused as he looked back up at Aya.

Aya: Uh, oh. He’s dead. What do I do now? Where do I hide the body?

"Wha..?" Ken blinked, his voice breathless.

Aya: Okay, breathe, then talk.

Ken: (hyperventilating) oh, right.

Aya: Not like that.

Ken: Don’t talk like that, or don’t breathe like that? (passes out)

His dark brown hair was tousled from Aya's hands, falling haphazardly into his eyes.

Because someone had taken Aya’s mind’s shoelaces and tied them together.

Yoji’s eyes: *snicker*

What was he doing?!

Good question. What was he doing just standing there? Either kiss him again, or go deal with the eyes and hands and arms lying around in the shop!

It was not the fact that Ken was male that bothered him, Aya had always known girls just weren't for him, but more the fact that it was *Ken*.

Aya: Sorry, but now that I look at you, you’re the ugliest person I know and I’m not sure how I ever forgot that.

Ken who loved children and soccer.

Yeah, fucking a pedophiliac was disgusting.

Ken who was clumsy and rash and horribly sexy...

How did Aya know about Ken’s rash?

::He's so naive, too.

He’ll never expect me to dump him right after sex! Ha, what a loser.

Being naïve is a good thing? He’s sexually attracted to Ken because he’s naïve?

So innocent, like Aya-chan. Aya-chan...

Great, Ken’s a pedophiliac, and now Aya’s pining away for his sister. Look, guys. The expression ‘When in Rome’ only goes so far.

What was I thinking?::

About knocking up your sister. Stop it.

Aya frowned and stepped back, his usual glare replacing the previously unguarded expression.

Since he left it unguarded, someone took it while he was kissing Ken and dreaming about incest.

::I have to think about avenging Aya-chan... Not Hidaka.

Why would he avenge Ken?

But why does it feel like hell to think that?::

Aya shook his head in confusion, trying vainly to get his heart to stop pounding like a trip hammer.

What’s a trip hammer?

***

Ken's brow creased in confusion. Why the sudden change?

Apparently, the author got bored writing about Aya wanting to get it on with his sister.

He'd rather liked that almost smile

What’s an ‘almost smile?’

I think this fic has an ‘almost plot’

Aya had been wearing.

And nothing else.

"What is it?" his voice was unusually husky. The red head's

His entire head was red? Did Aya get sunburnt?

glare deepened and he turned, striding toward the door. "Aya?" Ken called, not understanding why the man was leaving.

Aya: I wonder how the girls will react when they see both of us with huge boners.

Omi: I told you that it would be bad for business!

Aya: But Yoji got to walk around naked!

Omi: Fine, you can be naked too.

Omi?

reached his ears from the shop and Ken groaned. "This is so not the best time, Manx," he mumbled and headed out.

Manx: Wha? I was worried…the store is on fire, didn’t you notice?

‘Mission: simple’ sounds like the dumbest movie ever. I’ll bet it comes out this summer.

Find and kill,

A game for people who are too bored with ‘Hide and Seek’

leave no evidence.

Use a pooper scooper or a bag.

It was always the same. Only this time Manx said there was supposed to be more guards than normal, but that was only a small set back. Ken let his gaze wander to the red head beside him.

Ken: *drool*

Omi: *waves hand in front of Ken* hello?

Ken: *stares some more*

Great, now not only does Aya have sunburn and will get melanoma, his head isn’t attached to his neck anymore.

The man's eyes shone with a predatory hunger.

Ken: Stop chewing on my shoe! Bad! I’ll feed you later!

The Abyssinian was on the hunt tonight.

Dragging in dead mice and birds.

He had said they were getting closer to his real target.

Omi: The pinata’s to your left.

Yohji: Up a little

CRASH

Ken: That was the window.

That he felt it, but whether it was truth or wishful thinking born of bloodlust too long unquenched, Ken wasn't sure.

That it bored me, I wasn’t sure if the last sentence made sense.

Ken is still attracted to said psycho? Naïve, wholesome soccer players whose eyes float in mid air, and the sister-lusting, cold-blooded psychos who love them, next on Springer.

Aya: every time we had sex, I was thinking of my sister.

That time of the month, is it, Aya?

Aya: The least you can do is to buy tampons for me!

the blond boy protested, tugging slightly on the straps hanging limply at his sides. Abyssinian's eyes just narrowed further, piercing the boy with violet fire until Omi stepped back,

Aya: *glare*

Omi: OWOWOWOW! IT BURNS!

Rest of Weiss: *runs off, screaming*

Abyssinian: Wow. I’m one of the powerpuff girls! Cool!

frowning. Aya gave a satisfied nod and turned to leave,

And get a banadge for that hole in him.

a vague hand gesture in Ken's direction told him to follow.

Which hand gesture?

He did as Yoji and Omi went in the opposite direction. Ken's hands shoved into his pockets out of habit. He watched Aya's back ashe opened the door to the building.

They aren’t even inside?

The guards were easily taken, both lazing idly against the wall on either side of the doorway. Siberian's hands shot out of his pocket, his gloved fist clenching to protract shining silver blades that caught the man across his throat before he was aware of Ken's presence. Dark red welled over the slashes to trail down the man's neck like a river, pooling on the once khaki shirt as his eyes glazed over and he fell backward with a soft thump.

::River of blood... seems like the story of my life.::

Well, that and badly written yaoi, nuns, and soccer. No, unless you’re on a hill, I’d call it ‘Stagnant pool of blood left for the janitor to mop up’

Siberian thought bitterly, his eyes closing briefly in acknowledgment of the man's death before turning to watch as Aya dispatched the other guard.

So he stood there to watch his other personality killing someone?

He peered at the red head through dark brown lashes as a flash of light caught the blade of Aya's katana, lighting his beautiful face for an instant before his arm lowered.

He had grown to love that face, even through all of its harshness.

He just wished it was connected to a neck.

Aya’s head: *float, float float*

It was like the man felt no emotions,

This is Aya. He doesn’t feel emotions.

and if Ken didn't know any better he would think that true.

But Ken doesn’t so he’s always going to think Aya has a personality.

But what was he thinking?

About sex.

He didn't know any better, Aya opened to no one, and he had no reason to reveal anything to Ken,

Yes, Aya does have a good reason. Yaoi sex! And that’s a good reason as far as I am concerned.

of all people. That afternoon had been enough proof of that. The brunet sighed inwardly, watching as Aya stepped over the fallen body and pushed past Siberian as he moved into the building. Brown eyes stared after him, his gaze lowering almost guiltily to watch the movement of the other man's butt with each step.

Ken: *drool*

Aya: Are you even still alive?

Ken: *drool*

His cheeks heated, and he rushed after the redhead, hoping he hadn't noticed

That he was suddenly on fire.

Aya: Do you smell burning hair?

Ken: uhh..no…?

Aya: Are you sure?

Ken: Look! Over there! It’s…Um...Taka—

Aya: DIE!

his absence and wishing he thought Aya cared if he were gone or not.

They moved nearly in sync now that Ken had caught up, trying to put away his thoughts of what he knew was impossible.

Such as elephants flying, the moon falling on the earth, anyone ever writing a story where he’s straight, this fic ever ending…

Every now and then Aya would toss Ken a stony glance,

Aya: Here, catch!

then move slightly ahead, his movements catlike, not wanting to cause any undue noise. Ken focused his gaze on the ground,

Instead of Aya’s ass…for once…

the flash of unreasonable hurt barely concealed in his eyes, listening to Aya's light footsteps as the man went a bit ahead again.

Rounding a corner, Aya skidded to a halt, tossing a warning look over his shoulder to Ken.

Ken: Would you stop throwing these things at me?

There was only one man but it was best not to alert anyone to their presence just yet. Siberian's eyes were still focused on the floor, though, and he crashed head long into Aya, nearly knocking him off his feet with an "oof" the red head tried to muffle.

And an erection Ken tried to conceal.

The guard turned, hand moving to the gun on his hip as he sighted the assassins. "Shimatta," Aya growled, as the man rushed toward them.

He’s rushing toward them with a gun? Next Aya’s going to fire a sword at him. It’s a gunblade!

His sword arm rose and he tossed Ken a dark look

Ken: I said knock it off!

before leveling his gaze on the man. Abyssinian charged, knocking the gun out of the man's hand with a blow to the wrist by the hilt of his katana,

So which one hit the guy in the face, his sword or his wrist?

then backed up a bit again, waiting for the man to make his move.

The man backed up with small, halting steps then turned and ran leaving Aya to stare contemptuously after him.

Aya: Feel the power of my Super Angst Glare!

"Pay more attention," Aya ground out,

Ground out what? Ground coffee? Ground a cigarette butt?

not turning to look at Ken.

"I.."

Can’t remember to count to THREE periods

Ken started but nodded bleakly when Aya just shot him a glare and continued to walk.

So Aya’s shooting at Ken and no longer just throwing.

Ken fell into step behind the other a bit behind the other man, a frown creasing his handsome features. ::Baka, baka, baka... Can't you do anything right, Hidaka?::

Hey, at least you weren’t the idiot rushing someone with a gun instead of just shooting.

his mind growled.

Down! Bad mind! Shoo!

Did he swear or sneeze?

Ken: I think the body parts are following me. Since when am I in ‘Tales from the Crypt?’

stopping his movements. He stiffened,

Hee hee hee

then broke free of the restraint easily as he whirled, his arm coming up, preparing to strike. Something banded around his wrist in a painful grip and Ken's eyes shot up,

Yet again no longer in his eye sockets and free to do what they wish

Ken: Hey, you get back here!

brown latching onto emerald. "Schuldich."

The man's fiery red head nodded, his lips curving mockingly. "Who else?" he asked, his eyes widening in sudden pleasure. "Oh, dieses wird spaß sein(1),"

I’m not dumb, I just don’t know German or Japanese. I’m assuming he just said ‘No Mr. Hidaka, I expect you to die.’

Schuldich murmured darkly.

How can you murmur darkly? Is that like painting with all the colors of the wind?

His knee came up hard as he pulled Ken forward so it caught him in the stomach.

Shuldich: Aaaah! My knee exploded!

Ken: And it hit me in the stomach. Look at this mess.

His wrist was released and he went stumbling backward, doubling over with a gasping cough. Schuldich advanced, stopping before the brunet. He pulled the man up by his collar, carefully removing the man's gloves

Why? To plant them in a football player’s van?

before dragging his fist back and surging forward, connecting with Ken's cheekbone.

The skin split, blood trailing down his cheek to pool at the corner of his mouth, filling his taste buds with a bitter, coppery tang. His neck sagged then he forced himself to stay straightened, but made no move to break free and fight back. What would be the point?

Survival maybe?

Schuldich slammed his fist into the brunet repeatedly, thudding sickeningly against soft flesh, undoubtedly bruising his neck and collar bone as well as his face. Schuldich released his hold on Ken's collar, sending the man tumbling to the ground. Ken's hand came up weakly to wipe at the line of blood flowing from his nose. His eyes closed as the red head smiled wickedly, then kicked him roughly, making sure he wasn't able to get up on his own.

And—hey, why not?—just for fun.

Ken dazedly felt rope being corded

‘Cord’ is a verb now? May I see your license to butcher the English language?" I ask darkly and bruising-ing-ing-ly-ing-ly

around his wrists, binding them together before being pulled up roughly and dragged forward. "Come on now, we have an appointment to meet."

* * *

::That boy is too cute for my own good, it's distracting me::

And I should really find an author who knows to use quotation marks and not semicolons on thoughts.

Aya thought, raking a hand through his near burgundy hair,

Look out! That’s not your hair! It’s a chameleon!

glad Ken had decided to fall behind for a while. He needed to get away from those puppy dog eyes that seemed to constantly plead with him for a while.

So now he thinks of Ken as a canine to replace his sister with and have a sexual realtionship with?

The look on Ken's face as he'd left earlier had nearly been too much to handle, and that confused him.

Because ‘nearly been too much’ sounds really stupid, and he wondered why he just thought it.

Idle lust was common place enough, but this was somehow different. He just wasn't sure...

Thoughts: You can’t just leave me!

for the moment. Something wasn't right.

There were no more body parts around.

There had been only the one other guard besides the ones outside, and no signs of any others.

Sign: Guard ahead, next exit.

Hadn't the briefing stated this place would be swarming with guards?

He stopped and turned, waiting for Siberian to catch up. A few moments passed before Abyssinian's frown deepened. Ken should not have been so far behind him that it took this long...

Before he finally tripped on something.

Siberian…Ken… Siberian…Ken…I know that’s the guy’s code name, but the author is making it sound like he has multiple personalities.

::Something is definitely not right:: he thought rushing down the hallway,

Theere aren’t enough commas I think.

back the way he'd come.

So he had a heart attack and died

as his gaze paused on the goggles Ken usually wore, abandoned on the floor, a splatter of blood tinting

Wait, Shuldich left Ken’s gloves on the floor? Did they mutate into a pair of goggles?

one lens. "K'so...

Someone sneezed again.

Ken, what've you done with yourself?"

Apparently, he hit his head with his goggles.

He seems to have beaten the crap out of himself and dragged himself away… Aya, you idot!

he muttered as he bent, picking up the goggles. There were small splashes of blood on the floor, a trail of dots leading down a long hallway Aya hadn't previously noticed. Abyssinian started down the hallway, his eyes narrowed purposefully.

As opposed to narrowing for dramatic effect, or accidentally?

So he’s pushing and pulling on Ken at the same time?

He stumbled forward,

Ken, or the other guy? Oh, wait, it’s gotta be Ken, he’s the only one who ever stumbled or trips

loosing his balance

loose: to set free, liberate, unbind; lose: to fall or miss

as he stopped and fell hard onto his knees, pain shooting up his back on impact. Schuldich followed after, his bright green eyes lit further with maniacal humor.

Ken: *whimper* Your eyes are glowing…

Schuldig: Damn. *Pulls the sunglasses, which he never seems to use, over his eyes.*

Shuldich is radioactive!

He bent, pressing his face up close to Siberian's, a wisp of fiery hair tickling the brunet's bloodied nose.

Schuldig: AAAH! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!

Ken: And your eyes are still glowing…

"Ken, Ken, Ken..." the redhead chuckled.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I yawned.

Siberian kept his mind closed,

Please, try to keep an open mind about things.

trying not to wonder how the man knew his real name. "You made that far too easy, Weiß,"

Ken: Uh, there’s only one of me. Those glowing eyes must be giving you double vision

Shuldich: That and my head is on fire, so its hard to see.

Schuldich murmured sardonically, taking the rope binding Siberian's wrists in his hand before straightening agilely and pulling Ken up behind him.

Leading him to the center of the room, Schuldich raised Ken's hands over his head, latching the rope onto a hook protruding from the ceiling.

Because, as we all know, all bad guys have equipment for S&M lying around everywhere. It’s in the union rules.

Ken: Phew

Shuldich: What?

Ken: Apparently you’ve never seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Shuldich: Yes I have, I’m just really horny right now

Ken was stretched, the tips of his toes barely reaching the ground,

So he’s on the rack?

Shuldich: No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Ken: Aren’t you German?

Shuldich: No one expects the…Hey, shut up!

in order to relieve to pressure on his shoulders.

So this is all for Ken’s benefit?

"A little short, aren't we, Ken?" Schuldich smiles tauntingly.

"How... how do you ---" he gasped out through cracked lips, his throat burning with the effort.

<Always remember that no matter how strong your guards, and yours were pretty strong for all of your foolishness, you can never hide something from a Telepath for long>

Or a telemarketer

the red head whispered through his mind mockingly. He stood in front of Ken, his eyes just level with the other man's. Emerald raked over the other man's cut and bruised face, gazing almost lovingly at his handiwork. He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss on the nasty cut across Siberian's cheekbone before licking at the nearly dried trail of blood.

Ken's eye clenched shut, his face spasming in disgust.

Ken: KINK! *spasm* *spasm*

Schuldig: You must be very boring in bed.

"Mmm... I think I understand how Farf feels now,"

Blind and like hjis head is one fire and bruised from smacking into a doorway? I doubt Farfellow fels that way at all.

Schuldich grinned and backed away from the bound man. "You know ---"

Its my turn now!

"Bali…nese…" he croaked,

Ki…tty…

opening his eye to watch the tall, blond man walk toward them, his navy blue trench coat swaying around his legs. Yoji smiled at the bound man before stopping in front of Schuldich. He reached out, taking the redhead's chin between thumb and forefinger, before leaning forward to press his lips hard onto Schuldich's. He peered at Ken out of the corner of his eye, leaf green eyes twinkling. He parted from the redhead, giving the man's smirking lips one last lick before turning toward Siberian, "Thanks for everything, Schu… I don't think I could have done this without you. Really. Crawford should be waiting on the roof in the chopper."

Shuldich: *slaps Yohji* I told you not to call me Schu!

Schuldich nodded and turned to leave, "Glad to be of service. It was...

Lame? Boring? Well-paid? Horny? Weird when your knee exploded?

fun," he murmured sardonically and winked at Ken before walking out the door. Ken was staring at Yoji through the bangs that had fallen loose of his goggles,

Which proved that his gloves had mutated into new goggles on the floor

he wondered briefly where they had gone as his deep brown eye darkened further with disbelief.

Y’know, if eyes turned dark with disbelief, then Ken’s eyes must have been dark during the mission to kill Kase. So dark, that light cannot escape.

"Yoji... let me down..."

"I…need to pee.."

he said, hoping the man had been acting to get rid of the redhead, but still knowing otherwise.

"I'm afraid I just can't do that, Kenken," Yoji said, turning to face Ken. "Not when I've finally got you right where I want you," he murmured huskily.

Yohji: Because I can’t get it on with anyone but Omi in yaoi fics! Omi! He looks like he’s nine! How many $%@%#@ times do I have to @#$@$@ing state that I like GIRLS????????????  HYPERLINK mailto:$@!@#ing
$@!@#ing #$!@$@! That’s @@$@!$!@ing why!

"You never were very astute, were you, Ken? No, no... but that's half of what I like about you. The whole beauty minus brains thing really works, ya know?"

It’s not just for girls anymore!

Yoji laughed, his leaf green eyes twinkling merrily as Ken gave him as close to a glare as he could manage.

But considering that Ken is about as intimidating as scotch tape, and he is trying to glare through a swollen eye, this only made Yoji laugh.

Siberian struggled against the hook, ropes cutting into his wrists and making them bleed.. "Now stop that, Ken. You're only going to hurt yourself further... But then, Schu really did a number on you, didn't he?" the man trailed a finger over a raising bruise on his cheek, blond hair shifting as he shook his head.

How far is a breath? Is there a scale that measure breaths to inches?

from Ken's. Ken turned his head away weakly, tilting it so he could still see Yoji from the corner of his opened eye as the man backed away. "I still don't understand."

Yoji: That’s it. I’m putting a gag on you.

Ken: KINK! *Spasm* *spasm* *spasm*

Yoji: Damn.

* * *

A door opened further up, drawing Aya's gaze.

Because it was really weird when a door opened UP and not SIDEWAYS.

The red headed member of Schwarz was turned,

Turned? You mean into a vampire?

his back to Aya as he began to walk away, leaving the door cracked open,

There was a crack that huge in a door? This place is really falling apart. Uh, where’s Omi and why are they actually here anyway?

his green jacket swaying around his hips. Abyssinian waited until the Telepath disappeared into an elevator then stalked softly to the cracked door.

And Mr. Sexy-telepath didn’t notice Aya…why?

Aya is relieved that Ken sounds hurt?

Well, it sounds like their only torturing his voice, it could be a lot worse

as he peered through the crack into what looked like a store room. Ken stood in the center, bruised and bloodied, basically hanging from the roof.

Yohji’s a dog? Maybe HE can replace my sister in a sexual relationship!

The man draped his arms over Ken's shoulders so he was face to face with him. "I would have to explain it to you," Yoji mused. "Well, Kenken, it's simple really. I've wanted you since you joined Weiß.

Yohji: I wanted you ever since I saw you! Did you know you’re a collector’s item?

Even thought I had a chance before Aya came along. Then even trying to drag your eyes away from him was hell.

Ken’s eyes: *rip themselves away from ken’s sockets and then fly over to Aya.*

Aya: *glare as Ken’s eyes orbit him*

Fan-girls: GROSS! But the yaoi is great!

Ken: I’m blind!

This was just the easiest way to get what I want, and let's face it, being good is just so boring,"

Yohji: Because if I have to be gay, I’m going to be Kinky about it!

Ken: KINK! *Spasm spasm*

Yohji: Oh, for crying out loud!

he chuckled softly and leaned in, laying his mouth on Ken's, obviously forcing his tongue through clenched lips.

Who the hell are you? Last time I checked, Aya charges in immediately.

He wanted to do nothing that endangered Ken's life before Aya had the chance to seriously think about his feelings,

Think first, act later, right, that’s what you do when you’re an assassin.

and Yoji was in the prime position to do just that.

Do what? Thnk about Aya’s feeling’s for Ken? I’d rather NO ONE thought about those feelings!

Ken started to struggle against Yoji's kiss and his bonds, regaining strength. Yoji glared and backed up, biting Ken's lower lip as punishment.

Punishment for who? Yohji? Ken? Me?

Ken's head turned toward the door, spitting as if trying to rid himself of Yoji's taste, red tinted saliva carelessly hitting the floor.

How would Ken know about that?

Ken asked as he quickly veiled the surge of hope in his dark brown eyes, turning his face back to Yoji.

Yoji's hand came up to brush the bangs out of Ken's eyes. "It's a wonder Aya hasn't taken you up on your painfully obvious adoration and jumped your bones by now,"

Or why he hasn’t moved an inch to rescue you yet.

he smirked at the dull pink now tinting Ken's cheeks. "But of course, our pretty little ice cube is most likely strictly asexual."

Because, as we all know, Aya has no feelings whatsoever.

He was getting impatient waiting for Yoji to move away from Ken, but he did not a dead Siberian.

But before, Ken’s eyes turned dark with disbelif. Do they shine darkly, then?

as he regarded the face close to his own. He was that obvious? ::Then why..? No, don't think about it, he's here so there's hope. But why is he taking so long?!::

Is he jacking off?

his mind cried, barely restraining himself from looking back to the door. "What about Schuldich?" he asked again, quietly.

Yohji: Will you just drop it about Shuldich? He left thrity minutes ago!

So THAT’S how Shuldich’s hair caught on fire

"Schu couldn't care less about me.

*Shuldich bursts in* I TOLD you to STOP calling me that!

He and Crawford have a long-standing relationship. I was just a diversion,"

A really sexy diversion, but a diversion noethelless.

Sex, but a diverson, but sex nonetheless.

he took a stick out of the pack and lit it, taking a long drag.

The entire pack? Since when did he start chain smoking?

"Bad guys love to fuck with the 'good'," he said on exhale.

Aya moves really slow. He’s the six billion dollar man! Da da da da da da….

One hour later..

Da da da da da…

Yohji: Hey, Aya’s a in the doorway.

Da da da da da

Ken: You suck!

Ken: If you weren’t in the only doorway, he’d have left by now!

Da da da da da da da …

Ken: And I still have to pee…

He made short work of slicing through Ken's bonds, catching the man before he tumbled to the ground. Aya held Ken, waiting for him to steady before stepping forward. "Kudou. Kocchi ni muke.," he ground out menacingly.

Who’s talking? Ken or Aya?

Ken massaged his wrists and shoulders briskly, watching as the blond turned, letting out another stream of smoke.

Yohji: Crap, now MY hair’s on fire. Hold on, I’ll fight you over the naïve prude after I get the extinguisher,. Don’t go anywhere, Aya.

"Why hello, Aya," Yoji purred, dropping the cigarette to the ground and grinding it with his heel.

So he smoked the pack and crushed the only ciggarette he wasn’t smoking? He’s gone insane!

His dark green gaze shifted to Ken, "I see you let my little guest down. Very, very rude of you, but I guess I can let it slide."

Aya adjusted his grip on the hilt of his katana, holding the silver bladed weapon comfortably out in front of him as he took a step toward the blond man. Yoji shrugged, his hand moving lazily to his watch. "If that's how you want it..." he sighed a look of mock sorrow crossing his features.

All cliché-like

Aya's violet gaze darker than normal as he watched Yoji, waiting for the man to move. Ken stood, still rubbing at his raw wrists,

Ken: Screw you guys, I’m going into witness protection and finding someone sane.

Aya: HEY!

Ken: You think I’m a dog, or you’re sister, or both. And his head’s on fire.

his open eyes narrowed on Yoji's barely visible wire. "You know, I could share him... fighting just gets so tedious, ne?" Yoji smiled silkily, eyeing the brunet over Aya's shoulder. At that, with a small irritated noise Aya rushed toward Yoji raising his katana over his head, muscles bunching in preparation of the downward thrust.

Which never came, as Schuldig was disgusted by the fic, and decided to kill ¾ of Weiss, since they were too busy fighting to notice.

Yoji dodged easily with a dark chuckle

There’ that colors and sound thing again. Someone has been watching too much Pocahontas.

and whirled around before Aya had stopped completely. He pressed the button on his watch,

*Beep* The time is: 12:45 *Beep*

Yohji: Wrong button, sorry.

*Beep*b you have: no messages *Beep*

Yohji: Oops

*Beep* Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz *Beep*

Yohji: Oh, screw it! *whips out machine gun and kills everybody*

Da da da da….

causing the spooled garrote to quickly release, weighted end sailing through the air and wrapping itself around Aya's neck, before the redhead had a chance to turn to face Yoji.

So he sent his eyes to go chase Yoji.

Aya: Go, my minions, go! Fly, my pretties! Fly! Fly!

Yoji: Six billion watch-mon! I choose you!

Aya: Eyeball-mon, I choose you!

Yohji: Damn watch

*Beep* the time is—

Yoji: Goddamnit

Da da da da da…

Ken: Shouldn’t I be running away?

*Omi bursts in, machine guns them all*

*Beep* You have no messages. The time is 12:48. Bzzzzzzzzzz

Yohji: Shut up!

Da da da da…

He stopped it, taking control quickly, not applying enough force to puncture the man's jugular.

Stopped what?

The redhead's free hand came up,

It’s the return of the dismembered body parts…

unconsciously trying to relieve the pressure on his throat, his other still stubbornly gripping the katana.

Let’s see, Shuldich is radioactive, Aya is changing colors, Yohji is on fire, Ken can’t work his legs, Omi has vanished into the twilight zone

He shook his head desperately. ::No! He can't...::

Yes! He can! He just did!

then rushed forward, his bare fist shooting out, connecting painfully with Yoji's cheek.

Ken: Aaaaaah! My hand’s on fire!

Aya: At leat things can’t get worse

Omi *barging in* I’m a girl! Look *opens shirt*

Everyone: *nosebleed*

*Beep* That was random*

Yohji: Great, no I have a smart aleck watch

Da da da da…

The man stumbled backward, dragging Aya with him, inciting a trickle of blood to roll down Aya's neck as the monofilament cut into flesh. Yoji came back up quickly, releasing his grip on the wire so that it fell away from Aya as his own fist shot up.

Who’s punching who?

It’s WWF: Weiss Wrestling Federation!

Aya: I can take your six billion dollar butt

Yoji: My watch can take you!

*Beep*--

Yoji: Shut up!

Ken: I gotta take a leak first…

Da da da da….

Snagging Ken under the chin, the brunet to flew back with the momentum of the blow.

Ken IS the brunet! Does this mean Ken hit himself in the chin? He isn’t THAT klutzy. That’s taking the phrase ‘Kicking oneself in the head’ too far. What the fuck is going on? Does anyone else notice that’s a fragment sentence?

Wait, Ken hit himself in the head and was hit, but Aya fell to the ground? Is this the three stooges?

Is attacking from the ground a ninja battle-tactic?

Aya: I lost my contact!

Yohji: I wish I could lose this watch!

*Beep* Bzzzzzz *beep*

Ken: I gotta pee!

Yohji: Wait, when are you a ninja?

Aya: Are you still on fire?

Yohji: Oh, right, I meant ot get that extinguisher

Ken: Da da da da….

*beep*

Da da da da da

as Ken landed hard against one of the shelves, the side of his head connecting with the edge with a sickening crack.

Because someone was mooning them

He slid to the floor, his eyes closed as he lay unmoving, blood seeping down the temple of his already cut face.

Aya: Man, he can really take a beating

Yohji: Aren’t we supposed to be fighitn?

Da da da da…

Yohji: Shut up!

*Beep*

Yohji: You shut up, too!

*omi bursts in, machine guns them all*

Omi: This is taking too damn long!

Then he fell off of the roar, because it’s impossible to stand on sound. Okay, now they aren’t just painting with all the colors of the wind, but we’re fighting with them, too.

his actions for once unthoughful.

Unthoughful? What the heck is thoughful? Ho does one not be thoughful, whatever that is?

He ran in front of Yoji as the man stepped haltingly toward Ken,

Stepped haltingly towards Ken? So he’s moving, and not mving at the same time? What is this, the Matrix?

Ken: There is no spoon

Aya: Yohji, you’re still on fire.

Yohji: There is no fire

Aya: did I ever find my contact lens?

Ken: There is no plot.

Aya: Obviously.

Yohji: I really regret smoking all my cigarettes at once.

his expression grim.

He’s Aya! Why wouldn’t he be grim?

*Beep* I have more personality*

Yoji: What the--?

Ken: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Aya: Aren’t you unconscious?

Ken: I’m not sure.

Da da da da…

Aya's sword arm pulled back, then surged forward and he stepped back, watching without emotion as Yoji fell backward, his hand clutching desperately at the hilt of the blade shoved deep inside of him,

Kinky sword sex!

Ken: KINK! *spasm*

Yohji: would you knock it off?

*Beep*

*Aya slices the watch*

Ken: My hero!

Aya: Let’s have sex now!

Ken: KINK! *spasm*

Da da da da…

an odd smile fixed on his narrow face.

"K-Ken..." Yoji gasped out, blood seeping through his fingers. "Aya... get him... Make sure he... gets out. Omi... ten minutes," he moaned, his eyes closing in agony.

Aya nodded, mouth thinned into a grim line.

As opposed to a grim zigzag, circle, oval, rectangle, ellipse, triskelion, trapezoid, or inkblot

Ten minutes until the place would go up in smoke, obviously Yoji hadn't planned on staying this long.

Damn! Yoji planned on being finished with Ken in less than 10 minutes? So much for foreplay. He spent nine minutes and fifty nine seconds fighting really slowly.

Da da da da…

The redhead

The author finnally figured out ‘redhead’ is one word, wow.

moved over to Ken and, as gently as he could, hefted the heavy boy

over his shoulder. He strode to the door, stopping in front of Yoji, but not retrieving his katana. He didn't want something tainted with a traitor's blood.

Aya: you have no honor

Yohji: no, YOU have no hnor.

Aya: You!

Ken: I gotta pee! Um, shouldn’t we be getting out of here?

Aya: You, Ken, have no honor!

Ken: I also can’t feel my legs. Can you debate somewhere else?

Yohji: You…killed…my watch…right?

*Beep* Ha ha ha, losers * beep*

Yohji: God…damnit*

Ken: Didn’t we have a mission?

Aya: You have no honor!

* Beep* Da da da da…* Beep*

Quickly, he left the room, retracing his steps as he made his way out of the building.

Outside, he was met with a pair of worried cerulean eyes.

Eyes: Ha! You thought you could be free of us. We, random body parts, have taken over this YOH-JEE and with the alliance with Six Billion Dollar Watch, we will rule all!

Aya: *smacks eyes against the side of the building* Ewwwww

Omi *Machine guns them all* that was MY watch!

"What happened?" Omi demanded, hurrying after Aya's unstopping steps.

Omi: Uh, Aya, you should stop now, you’re wandering into the street, look out for that---buick. Oh, ick.. How am I going to explain any of this? Hey, a watch

"Where's Balinese?"

"Nochi ni," Aya grunted as they hurried away, the night bursting into flame behind them.

*Beep* Ha! Fire proof! Water reistant! I can get run over and survive! Ha ha ha ha! Da da da da da da…*beep*

To Be Continued

*Beep* Da da da da da…Or is it? * Beep*

Yohji: Goddamnit!

Shuldich: Stop callinng me Schu!

Chu chu: Chu chu *Beep*

Aya: You have no honor!

*Beep*

Da da da da…