Chapter 1 An introduction
From Apocalypse
She was talking with her friends.
I checked the little vial of sand that was hung around my neck.
Four minutes and thirty seven seconds.
That was how long Gina Ophland had left to live.
She didn't know it of course. She thought that she was going to go get a hotdog at one of those carts that sells pizza and hot dogs and the like. But she wasn't going to make it to the cart.
She was going to meet with me.
And I was going to set up an appointment with Hamunaptra for her.
She was next in line.
Well, I suppose that was a bit of an exaggeration on my part. She already had an appointment. She just didn't know it yet. It was one hour after she died. She had to go and wait with the others until he was free.
I was to tell her that she had the appointment, and collect her soul before the moment of impact.
That's a little known fact, you know.
If your soul is still inside your body the moment you die, well, that's when your soul goes to Afterlife, or, as Armageddon calls it, Overtime.
Eternal Overtime.
And man, let me tell you, you do NOT want to go into Overtime. It is a bitch, and it takes a lot longer to get an appointment, on account of you completely missing your original appointment with your chosen Great Beyond.
Yeah. It's hard.
We have to work out our timing. We only have a little section of eternity to get things right. No dress rehearsals. Nope. We have to swoop in, freeze time for a few moments, tell them to collect their thoughts, because this is it.
Over.
And if we fail and they go into the Afterlife...
Well...
They get shafted and the Great Beyond has to make another appointment, and yada yada blah blah... Basically we, the middlemen, the little Makers, get our asses chewed out. And we get the shit kicked out of us.
So it's not good on all accounts.
Everyone's unhappy.
That's why I make a point to locate my clients about five minutes before tea time. It's an insurance policy.
So that's why I was sitting in a tree branch, watching Gina talk with her friends and walk slowly towards the intersection where a shiny Lincoln Navigator would take her away from this mortal realm of existence.
And then she'd have her meeting with Lord Hamunaptra, and he would discuss with her the Eternal choices that she had to think about.
I sighed and a light breeze brushed across my cheeks.
Ahhhh... Earth.
Such a nice planet in the springtime.
And in the fall. I enjoyed the mediocre climates a little more than the ferocious ones.
Ah, there's the Lincoln Navigator.
And there is Gina, trying to get a hold of the receipt that just flew out of her purse as she put her lipstick back in.
And she stumbles out into the intersection, not really seeing the curb and stepping off of it without looking, thus losing her balance, tripping sideways, and catapulting herself directly into the Navigator's path.
And as she stands up and sees sun sparkle off of the hood ornament like you might have seen in movies, I threw down her little vile of lifesand, and the world, for just a little eternity, stops.
She is frozen, sort of.
Confused, she looks around and finally, I descend from the tree with a little flutter of my leathery demon wings.
I stand in front of her and sit on the hood of the car.
"Gina Ophland, it is time." I say, smiling a little. Warmly. Best not to frighten them.
"Time for what?" She whispers. "Who are you?"
"I am Apocalypse." I say. "Pleased to meet you, I am your personal Maker."
"You made me?" She whispers.
"Oh no." I said. "I make your appointment."
"My appointments?"
"Appointment." I say. "There's just one, and it's best if we do not miss it."
"What appointment?" She whispers.
"The Eternal Appointment." I say. "You are one of Lord Hamunaptra's souls. Your appointment is for one hour after you decease."
"Decease?"
"Cease to be." I say. "Which is what is going to happen when the grill of this Navigator collides with your body."
"Will it hurt?" She whispers.
A common question. The most common, in fact.
"A little." I confess. "But then you will feel nothing. And soon you will meet with Lord Hamunaptra."
"But I don't want to die..." She whispers, a few tears trailing down her cheeks.
I smile wistfully. "You may bring that up with Lord Hamunaptra. Relocation is always a choice..."
"Relocation?" She whispers.
"Reincarnation." I shrug. "Whatever you wish to call it."
"Does it have to be now?" She asks. She wants a deal. "Can it wait a while? Can I finish my life first?"
"These things are preordained." I say. "Your appointment with your Great Beyond is scheduled before you are born, and they are very very hard to change."
"Can't I make a deal with the Devil?" She whispers.
I shake my head. "I'm afraid that the Devil is of no use to you now." I smile. "But fear not. It is not so bad."
She nods.
"I promise."
She stands.
"Come." I extend my hand, and an astral projection of herself wanders out of her body. This is the white light people see when they die. Their own astral projection's essence.
She takes my hand and I fly her up a little ways, and time restarts.
Her friend suddenly screams, she looks up, her eyes as wide as saucers, and boom.
The windshield cracks.
I can see out of the corner of my eye, Armageddon, as he takes the soul of the driver out of the car.
I wave at him.
He waves back.
And as Gina watches herself die on the pavement, the worlds fade as they collide and we are suddenly in Lord Hamunaptra's waiting room.
This is how it always is.
"Apocalypse, what took you so long?" Minka asks, filing her nails. "Spent a little long with the parting words, did we?"
I smile at her.
"Have a seat." I instruct Gina. She sits on the couch. I lean against Minka's desk and fold my arms. "Okay, Lord Hamunaptra will see you in an hour. He holds the key to the City of the Dead. He will discuss then, with you, the options that every Great Beyond provides you."
I smile. "I hope you have a nice Eternity."
I turn away from her and walk past Minka's desk to pick up my next appointment.
"Hey be careful out there." Minka says to me. "I heard tell that there's some weird things going on lately. Something about competition in the Business."
"Huh?" I look up at her.
She shrugs. "I'm not so sure what it means, but I'm just saying to be careful is all."
"Oh, of course." I smile. "Well, gotta run. A Maker's work is never done."
She nods. "Have fun."
"As always." And with that, I leave to my next appointment.
A Mr. Zappa Harrisson.