Cid had to admit, in truth, he was not truly singled out by Vincent’s odd behavior. In a gesture of concern and kindness, Tifa had tried to clean blood off his face after a battle, only to be bitten. Vincent clapped his hands over his mouth once he’d realized what had happened. From the way he looked at the others, he obviously wanted to run away and hide, ashamed of what he did, but Cloud just told him it was a mistake and they all went on as if nothing had happened, even Tifa.
It proved to Vincent that no one really held it against him for his past or what it had done to him. If they could ignore his behavior, certainly they could ignore the wrong color of his eyes or the fact that his left arm wasn’t real. It proved to the others that no matter what Vincent did, he was sorry for lashing out.
Despite it all, he still kept Cid at a distance. The one he liked best he wanted furthest from him sometimes. The warning that Nanaki had given so long ago still applied. Cid had just been polite and forgotten what the creature had said in doing so.
Vincent was afraid of men attracted to him, and Cid had thought it rude to lust after someone in mourning. But Vincent recovered. He would always wish Aeris had never died, they all would, he would still want her, but he had recovered.
As Vincent’s mind could focus on other things, so did Cid’s. Vincent’s eyes had stopped their threat of tears and Cid’s gaze began to leave them and explore other things and what he saw he wanted. The more he saw it, the more he wanted it.
He no longer just wanted to touch Vincent’s hair. He wanted to weave his hands in it. He wanted to be close enough to smell it. He no longer wanted to cup Vincent’s face and keep the tears away, even though Vincent never actually did so in the past. Sometimes he thought Vincent had been hit too many times to cry anymore. Sometimes he thought something worse happened. Most of the time he had forgotten the threat had ever been there on that somehow miraculous face. He wanted to caress that face until it held no more mystery to him. He wanted to touch it, not with his hands, but lips and tongue and cheek as well. He wanted to trace down that long, unmarred neck. He wanted to know what details, what more enticing mysteries were covered by the cape and shirt and pants.
It wasn’t at all subtle. The way Cid didn’t talk, but just followed Vincent for a long look, his eyes dreamily glazed over and the pilot perfectly content in mere sightseeing.
Cid was too caught up in dreaming and wanting to notice Vincent did not like it. He could feel Cid’s gaze pour over him, under his clothes and try to slick its way down every corner and curvature, seeping in and going as deep as possible. He had seen that look enough. He had had enough.
Cid’s desire was almost tangible in the air and Vincent was the one choking on it. As much as Cid wanted to slide his hands over Vincent’s body, slowly and smoothly and sweetly like hot caramel, it made Vincent sick and left a bad taste in his mouth.
It confused Vincent how someone who cared for him when he was weak would turn on him like this. It confused him as to why Cid was so open about wanting him. It confused him most when Cid apologized, having caught on to Vincent’s unease when he had a moment of mild enough distraction.
Now the one distracted was Vincent. They both thought of the other as a schizophrenic enigma, but Vincent was the one worried about it. Admittedly, he was tired of feeling as if he were punished for wanting to be human, or at least treated as one, but for life to finally grant his wish, even in the smallest way, he was stunned.
All he ever got from anyone was pity. People were always sorry for him, but to him? He never thought that was possible. He thought that was a duty reserved only for him. Now he had no idea how to act.
"You okay?" Cid asked.
"I’m not sure," Vincent answered. There was still a loud voice in his mind screaming it was all a trick, telling him to remember what happened last time. It had wanted attention for quite a while now, but Vincent still ignored it.
"I just thought I should apologize for bein’ a complete dick," Cid said.
"I’ve known bigger ones."
"Hey I can be a really huge one if I’m in the mood."
Vincent silently chuckled and turned away slightly.
"I saw that," Cid said. "What’s with this things anyway?" he asked, waving a finger over his own mouth.
"I like it," Vincent whispered, nervous that he had given the wrong answer and Cid would go away.
"That’s the stuff you were in that goddamn box in," Cid said, shrugging. "Though you might like something else."
"It was mine."
"Huh?" Cid asked, unable to hear Vincent’s voice over the wind.
"It was mine. It was mine before everything. I always liked it. He put me away in the coffin in my own clothes."
"It just covers half your face, that’s all," Cid said. "You got bad teeth or something?"
"More or less."
"You could have asked for a toothbrush, you know."
"I have one."
"So what happened? I’m not going to force your mouth open to look."
"I was punched in the jaw. Lost a tooth."
"Shinra didn’t cover the insurance?"
Vincent didn’t answer, telling Cid it was after he was shot.
"Y’know," Cid started, looking for an excuse to keep looking at Vincent, unaware it was also an excuse to touch him. "If you look close enough, you can see tiny little scars on your face. If you look closer, you can see they’re really old, from when you were a TURKS member. Maybe if you looked close enough you can remember having fun back then."
"I didn’t," Vincent said, grabbing Cid’s hand by the wrist and pulling it away enough that Cid couldn’t touch him.
"Didn’t what?"
"I didn’t have fun as a TURKS member."
"What happened."
"Nothing. Ever. And that’s why."
"I don’t get it."
"You don’t have to. I might tell you later, but not now."
"What’d I do?"
"I knew what you were going to say next," Vincent said. "You were going to say ‘If you look close enough, you’ll see what I see.’ I’ve heard that before." Vincent turned away.
"I was really gonna say my ass was freezing off up here and ask if you wanted to get some damn tea."
Vincent said nothing again, hanging his head. He was a fool to fall in love. He was a fool to think it’d work out. He was a fool to think the past would repeat. It would just fuck up for him in a completely different way.
"I’m still sorry for being a dick," Cid said, and went inside.