"She is sixteen years old and armed with origami! How the hell did you get these wounds?" Dr. Kaines yelled.
"It was really sharp origami," Lenny said.
"I’m still picking paper out of my leg," Carl said.
"I don’t care!" Dr. Kaines yelled. "Did she say anything?"
"I thought you said you didn’t care," Steve said, confused.
"I meant I didn’t care about your damn papercuts. Did she say anything?"
"A lot of swear words. When I was that age we didn’t use—" Lenny started.
"Shut up!"
No one said anything.
"Well?"
"But you said—"
"Oh, for bloody—Never mind. Did she say anything else? Is there any indication of where it is? Anything at all?"
"She was carrying clothes and they looked like they’d fit him. I mean, they were men’s clothes, so I don’t think they were for her," Steve said. "She said she was going to Mideel, but we pretty much checked it over in fifteen minutes and he’s not there."
"Where is she now? Has anyone interrogated her?"
"Yup. Three times," Carl said. "Won’t say anything useful and we had to change the lock five times. She keeps stealing keys or picking it."
"That’s it? In twenty-four hours, you managed to arrest a teenager out shopping! What are you, surviving ShinRa guards?"
"I’m, actually, they rejected me," Lenny said. "They said I was too short."
* * * * *
"Vincent’s still up there?" Shera asked, clearing the dishes away to make room for new ones.
"Up where?" Cid asked. "I thought he was hiding in the closet again or something."
"Cid, where do you think he spent the night?"
"The couch?"
Nanaki chuckled.
"Cid, he was too scared to spend the night alone on the couch and you know it," Shera said.
"Under the couch?" Cid asked.
"Cid, he spent the night with me."
"I didn’t think our couch was that big."
"Cid, he wasn’t on the couch," Shera said, continuing before Cid could say something else stupid. "He was in my room."
"But—"
"Neither of us was on the floor, Cid," Shera said.
"No, I mean he told me he was… you know."
"Quit dancing around it, Cid," Shera scolded him. "He’s as gay as you are."
"Hey—I am not—"
"You are too, now go drag him out of my room for lunch."
"I fucking am not!" Cid complained, going to the stairs.
"Oh you are too," Nanaki and Shera both said.
* * * * * *
"HELLO?" Dr. Kaines yelled at the telephone.
"Sir we just—"
"Unless you actually found the alien itself, I don’t care. And even if you did it could have waited. I was about to share an intimate moment with my wife!"
"Not anymore you aren’t," his wife said. "And keep it down."
"Sir—"
"Who cares?" Dr. Kaines yelled, and slammed the receiver down.
* * * * *
"Well, that was a waste of gil," Steve said, hanging up the payphone.
"Who’s next on the list?" Carl asked.
"Why are you asking me. You had it."
"I thought you had it."
"I hab id," Lenny said.
"Lean forward more, or that nosebleed’ll get worse," Carl said.
"Why do I alwayz ged duh kidz?" Lenny asked. "She bid me!"
"’Cause your god with ‘em," Steve said. "And you’re supposed to lean back."
"Well I got the man with the gunarm, so stop complaining. And it’s forward."
"Is not!
"Is too!"
"Is not!
"Is too!"
* * * * *
The doorbell rang.
"Not me!" Tifa and Cloud yelled at the same time.
The doorbell rang again.
"Your turn!" they both yelled.
"I got it last time!" Cloud said.
"No, I got it last time."
"Well I got it twice in a row and you owe me!"
"I cooked dinner for the last three nights! Your turn!"
"That’s only because you won’t let me near the kitchen anymore after the soup blew up in the microwave."
"Would you get the damn door, Cloud?"
"I told you, it’s your turn!"
"No, it’s your turn!"
"It is not my—there, se, they left. They’re probably just selling religion anyway."
The door fell in with a crash.
"Not my fault!" They both said.
"Midgar Police!" an officer said, coming in the door.
"I got that Chocobo legally!" Cloud said.
"If this is about the indecent exposure thing, I told you it was an accident!" Tifa complained.
"What the hell are they talking about?" His partner asked.
"You sure this is the right address?" a third officer asked.
"Damn sure," the first said. "I checked, there’s only one guy with hair like that."
"Hey!" Cloud complained.
"And very few women who look like that… that we don’t have on record already."
"Hey!" Tifa yelled.
"Whoa," the third guy said to Tifa—more specifically to her chest. "Hello."
"I’m up here," Tifa said.
The officer just nodded, earning himself a slap on the head from each of his two partners.
"Hey Tifa," Cloud asked. "Is there such a thing as decent exposure?"
* * * * *
"Hey Vincent, you in here?" Cid asked, knocking on the bathroom door.
"No," he heard Vincent answer.
"Well, if you’re not in there, you won’t mind if I come in, will ya?" Cid asked.
Vincent didn’t answer.
"You sure about this?" Nanaki asked.
"Course I’m sure," Cid said. "You naked in there?" he asked Vincent through the door.
"…Maybe."
"See? No one answers maybe about being’ naked. He needs… well, I don’t know what the fuck he needs, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t in the bathroom."
"Agreed," Nanaki said. Seeing that Cid had the right intentions he left to give the two men some privacy, secretly hoping they’d need it soon. It had been obvious from the start that Vincent both wished Cid didn’t have women painted on the sides of his plane and that Cloud was a few years older. It was also obvious that Vincent wished that at least one of them wasn’t straight.
"Vincent, you know the lock’s broken on this, right?" Cid asked, opening the door.
"I do now," Vincent answered, curled up on the bathroom rug.
"What’s gotten into you this time?" Cid asked, kneeling down. "Is this about sharing a bed with Shera?"
"I only slept with her—No I didn’t—God, that makes it sound worse," Vincent said. "I shouldn’t have done that!"
"Why not?"
"Cid, I’m a grown man… a grown something. I shouldn’t need to bug someone in the middle of the night because I’m too scared to sleep by myself. She isn’t mad, is she?"
"Vincent, that’s Shera. She isn’t capable of being mad. She’s fine with it. She’s just worried; she knows you had to be pretty damn scared to ask for that."
"I am. I am and I’m sorry," Vincent said.
"Look, it’d freak the fuck outta me if there were people running around to put me in a padded cell. You don’t have to be sorry."
"Sorry."
"Vince, I just told you not to be. Here, get up off the floor," Cid said, offering his hand. "If you wanna sleep over, you could’ve asked me. I’m not a prude, Vince."
Vincent was about to say something when three things happened. A bunch of chatter and quarrelling from the demons drowned out his thoughts until the second thing happened, a loud thump at the front door, immediately followed by the third, Nanaki bolting into the room.
"Get out!" Nanaki said. "Get out, quickly, it’s the police. They know Vincent’s here. Shera’s unconscious in the doorway."
"Come on, Vince," Cid said, opening the bathroom window. "They ain’t taking you without a fight. Out you go."
The two men were both soon out the window, each landing face first on the ground. Once out, Cid lead Vincent to the plane, silently thanking Nanaki for staying behind and fighting off the police.