"HA!" Yuna said, dragging Rikku’s and Paine’s bodies. "Found you! I traveled all over the… where are we?"

"Oh, we seem to have wandered off the known map," Seymour said nonchalantly.

"That doesn’t explain anything," Yuna said, angrily, dropping her friend’s carcasses to put her hands on her hips.

"Actually, in Final Fantasy it would explain everything," Seymour said. "Uh, did you carry those two like that?"

"Yeah, I figured I’d revive them once I actually needed them."

"In your pocket?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Two dead people?"

"And?"

"How long have they been like that?"

"A couple days, how should I know and why do I care?"

"But they’re dead."

"Does this have a point?"

Seymour sighed and tossed a phoenix down and potion on each of Yuna’s friends.

"Ooo," Rikku said, looking at the landscape. "Um… what is it?"

"Let’s hit it with a sword and find out!" Paine said.

"There you are!" LeBlanc said, just arriving. "We are taking over your—"

"Our airship isn’t even here," Rikku said.

"Well I just wanted to warn you and—Where are we?"

"I thought it was only a theory," Seymour said, in awe of the landscape.

"Seymour, I am going to shove this theory up your ass if you don’t tell me and anyone viewing this in some strange way as if we were some sort of fiction what the hell is going on."

"What, you mean a third party observing us without our knowledge, don’t be silly," Seymour said.

"Of course there’s always someone watching or reading or viewing or something!" Yuna said. "It’s Final Fantasy. The whole world knows what I do!"

"About that…" Seymour said. "I’m seeing more T & A in this sequel than in that damn Lake Scene. I can’t believe the implied sex nearly put me to sleep. And Tidus is how old? Has that guy heard of hormones or didn’t they exist in Zanarakand thousand years ago?"

"I thought he was just a dream," Rikku said.

"He crashed my wedding!" Seymour said. "I’d say he was pretty damn real!"

"Seymour!" Yuna yelled. "Theory…up your ASS!"

"Fine, this is the sea of plotholes," he said, gesturing to an endless, well, sea of holes. "There I said it. And watch where you—"

Rikku fell down a plothole.

"What was that all about?" LeBlanc asked.

Her flunkies shrugged.

"Eww!" Rikku said, poking her head out of a plothole several feet from the one she’d fallen through. "This smells."

"Weren’t’ you just over there?" Paine asked.

"Was I?" Rikku asked back. "I thought you guys were over there!"
"We stayed here and watched you move!" Yuna said.

"Yeah, but I thought I came back up in the same place. You must have moved when you weren’t looking!"

"This is not the time to get into relativity!" Seymour yelled. "Besides, this is easily solved. One plothole always leads to another, and they are very hard to navigate through without doing irreparable damage to one’s psyche."

"So what do these plothole things do?" LeBlanc asked, picking one up and poking her finger in it.

"These are all possible alternate realities, had something beforehand changed, otherwise known as fanfics," Seymour said.

"So there’s another world in here?" LeBlanc asked, poking her head into the hole. "Hello?"

"No, it’s Spira, but in that one, something completely different could have happened—Wait! That’s it! I could find a plothole with a fanfiction where I’m dead! Or at least where there’s a better plot!"

"I could find Tidus!" Yuna said, shoving Seymour into a hole and diving into another one herself.

"What’s that?" LeBlanc asked, and dropped the hole on herself, disappearing as the hole fell on the ground.
"I could be smarter so my head wouldn’t blow up!" Rikku said and went into another hole.

"I could be rid of this stupidity!" Paine said and walked off. "Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked, walking right into O’aka.

"Hello. Welcome to O'aka’s—"

"No, I asked what you were doing here."

"Hello, welcome to—"

"Screw it. You wanna sell them something, they’re in a plothole."

"Hello, welcome e to—"

"A plothole’s some alternate dimension crap. Now outta my way."

"You know, we could find a plothole where we get the chicks," Logos said.

"I could at least find one where I’m not fat!" Omi said.

"That’d be a REALLY alternate dimension," Logos said, going into a plothole.

"Hello, Welcome to O’aka’s. Buy/sell?" O’aka said, but in truth meaning ‘Maybe I can say more than one sentence!’ and climbed into one.

Rikku fell out of a hole from the ceiling—or whatever you call the top of the landscape that doesn’t constitute as sky.

"What is WRONG with people?" Yuna asked, crawling out of one hole and into another.

"This one’s blank," LeBlanc said, poking her head out of one, only to be interrupted as O’aka fell from one on the ceiling and right into the hole she was in. "Watch where you land!" she yelled and there was a sound of a slap. "And keep that bag to yourself!"

"Maybe this one," Rikku said picking up a hole. Seymour crawled out of it.

"That’s disgusting!" he exclaimed, wringing out his hair.

"Well then I don’t want it," Rikku said, handing him the hole and going through a different one. Seymour looked around to see if anyone else was looking and shoved the hole into his pocket.

"Aaaaa!" Yuna yelled, dashing out of one hole.

"Not that one either?" Seymour asked her.

"And give me back my stuff!" she yelled down the hole.

Several items, including two spheres, a fishbowl, a sandwich, and a few pieces of assorted underwear were thrown up at her.

"This isn’t mine!" Yuna yelled and chucked the fishbowl back down, causing a ‘thud’ and an ‘ow’ sound. "Gimme that, Seymour!" she yelled, grabbing the underwear out of his hand.

Ormi poked his head out of one on the ceiling and Logos popped up out of one on the floor. Ormi was pulled upward and Logos was holding his foot, then disappeared into the hole.

"I wonder what they found," Yuna said.

"Hmmm," Seymour said. "I wonder…" He picked up the plothole Logos had gone through and tugged on another hole, chucking the first hole in. "That’ll have them lost for quite a while, a plothole in a plothole."

LeBlanc poked her head from one hole in the ceiling. "Jerk!" she yelled and slapped Seymour.

"What’d I do?" he asked.

"And if you see O’aka, tell him I am going to murder him with his bag of junk!"

"Maybe it’s in this one," Yuna said, poking her head in a hole. She was pushed out and Rikku crawled out of it.

"This one’s boring. And I don’t get it, you said these were about Spira. I don’t recognize half the stuff in there. And who’s Mary Sue? I keep running into her."

"There’s gotta be an easier way than checking a million plotholes," Seymour said, putting his hand to his chin and thinking.

"No! Don’t think!" Yuna yelled. "Not around plotholes—!" Too late. All the plotholes converged into one giant pit of blackness and they all fell through.

"Where are we now?" Rikku asked, standing up and looking at a hallway of doors.

"Oops," Seymour said. "I accidentally tripped us into the realm of loopholes."

"Loopholes?" LeBlanc asked, going through one door at the near end of the hall. She immediately came through a door at the far end of the hall on the other side.

"We have got to get out of here or we’ll be stuck," Seymour said, going through a door.

Rikku and Yuna shrugged and each went through a door.

LeBlanc watched and went through the door right across the hall from the one she’d just come through. Yuna wandered two doors down and went in.

Seymour came out of a door at the near end of the hall, the exact one he’d entered.

Rikku came out of that door and went to the door at the very end of the hall on the wall between either side of the hallway.

Yuna walked out of one door at the end of the hallway and went back through it, only to come out of it immediately after. She snarled and went back through, again coming out immediately after. "RRRR!
She yelled and went back through the door, this time O’aka came out of it immediately after she’d closed it.

"How’d he get here?" Seymour asked, watching O’aka open a trap door in the ceiling and go up the pulled down stairs.

"Hmmm." Seymour picked up a door off the wall. "Aha!" He turned the door around and set it on the wall next to another, creating a set of double doors. He opened them and went through. Immediately after, Yuna came out one door and Rikku out the other.

LeBlanc walked down the attic stairs and into the one at the end of the hallway.

Rikku and Yuna shrugged and exchanged doors and went through. Seymour opened the door near the attic stairs. He took the door off the wall, set in on the floor, opened it and walked into he basement.

Rikku walked out of the door near the stairs at the other side of the hallway. Yuna opened the door at the end of the hallway and walked right into her. LeBlanc came down the attic stairs again and crashed into both of them.

By now there were all in a heap on the door on the floor, from which someone started knocking.

They untangled themselves from each other and stood up form the door, which opened and Seymour came out.

He yelled angrily, ripped the door off the end of the hallway wall and threw it through the nearest other door.

The door came down from the attic and landed on him.

The door opened and Seymour poked his head through it. "Ow. Oh, I found something."

"Screw that," Yuna said. "Were’ getting out of here before any more crazy shit happens."

O’aka came down from the attic stairs. "Hello. Welcome to O’aka’s—"

"Wait for me!" Yuna cried and followed Seymour through the door, followed by Rikku, leaving LeBlanc to chase off O’aka. By then the door had closed.

"Hey!" LeBlanc said opening the door and going through, only to come out in the hallway.. "No! Take me with you!"

"Hello. Welcome to O’aka’s. Buy/sell?"

"Help!"

Back