"So that’s it," Rikku said. "And Sir Fruitcake’s got his underwear in knots over everything except us."
"So now what?" Wakka asked. And the first person to start an argument gets the blitzball in the head. Again."
"I say we take ‘em all on," Paine said.
"Oh, shut up!" Rikku said. "What are we gonna do? Attack the farplane?"
"If Guadosalam fell, there’d be no war," Paine said.
"You’re walking right into it, Paine," Yuna said. "We attack, they’ll counter. They attack Besaid, other cities will attack them. Then someone else will blame them for making the problem worse and attack those. In the whole mess, there’s no one to get rid of and no guado to heal the holy grounds. And someone probably makes things worse. No one’s attacking anything that doesn’t try to eat them first."
"Well, we’re back to square one," Wakka said.
"Attacking would get us somewhere," Paine said.
"Yeah, we’d go backwards!" Rikku said.
"Hey!" Wakka said, raising the blitzball. "Don’t make me put you two in separate corners."
"Maybe if we bargained with them," Yuna said. "They should at least accept Lulu’s baby. It might even come back."
"He said no and he meant it. He’d be pissed if we sneezed over the border," Rikku said. "Besides he seems weird."
"He’s always weird," Wakka said. "Weird for him is normal, ya."
"I mean they told him Yunie was here and he acted like he was talking to the postman."
"I think we killed him one too many times and he’s pissed," Paine said. "Pissed-er."
"Deserve it," Kimahri said.
"Yeah well that don’t solve anything," Wakka said. "Can’t we just pay him or something?"
"Uh, I think that might be seen as sacrilegious," Rikku said. "Plus there wouldn’t be that much money in the world if people kept coming back."
"I could talk to him," Yuna said.
"In a week," Rikku said. "Just tell his secretary, the one with the spear and bad attitude."
"Kimahri talk."
"Uh, no offese, but you’re not really a representative of the humans. You might get the Ronso in, but that wouldn’t fix the rest of the world," Yuna said.
"Or these stupid sinspawn," Wakka said.
"Or monsters," Rikku added
"Or death," Paine said. "What if you’re just plain afraid to die?"
"Aa! More Seymours!" Rikku said. "Not good. Not good."
"Even with those outfits, I doubt the gullwings would really work as a dating service," Wakka said. "Who the heck do we find for this damn union thing?"
"Well, I’m going to talk to them," Yuna said. "I’m his wife, that’s gotta have some sway."
………………………………………………………………………………………
"Were almost his wife," The guard corrected. "Go fish," he said to his partner. There were only three guards now, not counting the one who was either meditating or asleep. They all had their spears close, so attacking would result in a worldwide mess.
"This pathetic," Kimahri said.
"Four?" the guard asked.
"Are you still here?" the third guard said. "Flying away does not constitute as part of a wedding."
"That was my summon," Yuna said.
"Go fish."
"You were the one who said she could fly. Same here," he said, turning his attention back to the game.
"Hey!" Rikku said to the second guard. "You’re cheating!"
The guard scowled at her.
"Well, you are."
"What if we find the person who did this? And we find someone for the union between Guado and Humans?" Yuna asked.
The guards looked up form their cards. The one who had been lying on the ground meditating looked up slightly.
"An admirable plan," said the one lying on the ground. "But there are not cities interested in even hearing about the Guado, let alone complying with them in a wedding, even one between civilians. Most are considering war if we pressed the issue."
"All but Besaid," Yuna said.
"I don’t like where this is going," Paine said.
"You pondering what I’m pondering?" the second guard asked.
"Nah, I’m no good at poker," the third said.
"Whose turn is it? I need a jack." The first said.
"Here," the third said, handing him a card form the second’s hand.
"Hey!"
"Well, we already knew you were cheating before the al behd said so."
"Diplomacy dead," Kimahri said.
"What if I were to agree to marry him?" Yuna said. "And my friends find the culprit?"
The guards al started to laugh.
"Yuna!" Paine said.
"Yunie!" Rikku said. "What are you saying? You can’t! It’s too dangerous."
"Look, Lulu had a baby that was bitten by a poisonous spider. Can’t you at least let him in? Its cruel to let a baby suffer like that," Yuna pleaded.
The guards stopped laughing.
"You’re telling us what’s cruel?" the guard lying down said.
"Okay, this is getting us nowhere," Wakka said. "Can’t you just tell him we offered to go along with his deal?"
"We never said we wouldn’t tell him," the third guard said, drawing a card. "We just thought it was funny."
"This is getting us nowhere," Paine said.
"Look, let’s just be back to the ship,ya?" Wakka said. "We done all we can here, so let’s get back before Paine does her impression of a weed whacker."
"I win," the third guado said, tossing his cards down.