It had been six months since the wedding and Yuna had finally gotten it entirely around her mind that yes, she had married Seymour.
Yes, after she’d killed him, he had tried to kill her, and the whole things repeating like a morbid game of Ping-Pong.
But he was back, along with his father—who were so far adhering to the ‘no trying to kill each other in the house’ agreement imposed by the leader of the Al Behd.
True, it was strange that an outsider from a race that initially disliked either of them and the rest of the guado race was the only thing to keep the violence down and save the furniture; but Yuna had found that as strange as things were, if they weren’t hurting you, it was best to leave them to what they were doing.
That thought brought her back to Seymour.
After getting over the realization that she’d married him, and no longer having to worry about anyone—family included—killing him, she realized something was wrong.
Not exactly wrong, but… boring. Something was missing and it was something big.
Well, he was happy, and she was happy. That had to count for something…
Her friends had all gone back to Beseid and considered her new place of residence either a death trap or a loony bin—Auron considered it both.
Good thing Seymour was out practicing how to use a sword—Paine had given him a few tips beyond the rudimentary ‘Don’t hit yourself in the foot’ technique before she left with the others.
"Hey, guys," Yuna greeted Wakka, when someone finally noticed it in the crusaders’ former hut. She would have to tell them to move it to somewhere people would see it more readily… or put a ringer on it—nah, that would be a stupid idea.
"What’s on fire now?" Wakka asked.
"It wasn’t that bad… was it?" Yuna asked sheepishly. She really hadn’t been there for most of the fire… or the room changing stories… or most of the grenades…. But she had been there for most the destruction of the furniture.
"Yunie!" she heard as Rikku shoved Wakka.
"Hey, let me talk to her!" Paine yelled, and suddenly the sphere was covered by a gloved hand there was a lot of arguing.
"…Guys?" Yuna asked.
"What’s he doing now?"
"Just smack him one!"
"How’s Anzi doing?"
"Smack his dad one, too!"
"Please tell me this whole ‘consummation’ business is just a rumor…"
"Guys?" Yuna asked.
"Gimme!"
"My turn!"
"Mine!"
"Let go!"
Yuna didn’t bother speaking up and drummed her fingers on the dresser. She was starting to think she should have brought a chair—then again, she wondered if there were any left with all their legs still intact. Rebuilding the palace had been slow, especially since no one wanted to go near it, fearing the whole thing would explode or tumble down on them.
"What’s going on?" a new voice asked.
"Lulu!" Yuna exclaimed. "Yes!"
"I wanna talk to Yunie!"
"I want to talk to Yuna!"
"Hey I answered it! Get your hand off that!"
The sphere was grabbed from all of them and a few seconds later, Yuna was talking to Lulu, or rather, Lulu’s chest.
"Uh, Lulu, those are nice and all, but can you bend down a bit more?"
Yuna heard Rikku giggle in the background as Lulu backed up, letting everyone talk to the sphere.
"How’s the furniture?" Lulu asked.
"Well, they got rid of what was broken, but there wasn’t much left after that," Yuna said. "Anzi wanted to have the stuff in the family room cleaned so we could use it, but Jyscal refused. Nothing’s really been replaced."
"They have a family room?" Wakka asked.
"It hasn’t been used for decades."
"Not surprised," Lulu said.
"We’re sitting on the bed or the floor these days until after the walls and floors are all fixed."
"So what are the two psychos doing now?" Paine asked.
"Seymour’s out practicing with a sword for some reason," Yuna said. "Any of you know where he got it from?"
Rikku shrugged and the others were silent.
"I meant the idea of using a blade. Remember what happened last time?" Yuna asked.
"Hey, it’s better than getting in a real fight when he’s pissed," Paine said. "I just taught him a few things."
"Why?"
"Thought it’d keep him busy for a while."
"Well… it’s working."
"So?" Wakka said. "You’re doing this to tell us everything’s boring?"
"Actually, that’s the problem," Yuna said.
"Welcome to being married," Lulu said.
"Hey!" Wakka complained.
"I don’t see what the problem is," Paine said.
"Yeah," Wakka concurred. "It’s not like there’s any crazies anymore… well, none that don’t live there… well… never mind."
"Yeah, its great if you’re visiting. I live here," Yuna said. "What am I going to do around here?"
"If you’re that bored, you could see if you could get him to learn to juggle," Paine said.
"You’re not helping!"
"Can he play blitzball?" Wakka asked.
"Wakka!" Lulu scolded.
"Man, Yuna, you need to get laid," Paine said.
"Paine!" Wakka yelled.
"What?" Paine asked.
"That’s it!" Yuna said.
"Yuna!" Wakka exclaimed.
"What’s it?" Rikku asked.
Paine whispered in her ear.
"Oh… Ewwww!" Rikku said.
"Rikku!" Lulu said.
"Thanks guys," Yuna said, and turned the sphere off before the chorus of protests from her friends on an island.
That was what was missing around here… romance. Now how exactly was she going to go about it?
* * * * *
Yuna, with all her good intentions, had forgotten about one simple, little thing: Murphy’s law.
‘If something can go wrong, it will.’
It started out innocuously enough, as all things ruined by Murphy’s law do.
Seymour, as he usually did, contented himself with a book to read. Also as usual, he was ignoring Yuna and putting a lot of space between himself and her.
Yuna was determined that this wouldn’t be such a usual night.
"Not tonight," she said taking the book from his hands and wrapping her free arm around his.
"That’s mine!" he complained. That should have been an indication that this wouldn’t work out the way she’d planned. "Yuna, what are you doing?" That should have been indication number two.
"Guado have a rule against cuddling?"
"Um… am I in trouble?"
"Why?" Yuna asked.
"Because you’ve only done this when I was in trouble or I had hurt myself. Frankly, I’m frightened at the prospect of what you’d do if I died."
"I just want to cuddle."
"What, all of the sudden?" At this point Yuna should have gotten a clue.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Well, first, you’re cuddling my arm to death and I can’t feel it."
Yuna let go and Seymour shot out of the bed.
"Get back here!"
"Yuna, what the heck has gotten into you?"
"I’m trying to be romantic!" Yuna yelled, getting out of the bed.
"Well, give me some warning first! "
"Fine. I want to be romantic. Not get back in the bed."
"Would—would you please put something on!" he stammered, realizing her nightdress was completely transparent.
"Why?" she asked. "I told you, I want to be romantic." She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms low around his back. "Come on, let’s get back to bed."
"You’re making me uncomfortable."
"Seymour, come on," she said, and tried to pull him with her.
"Yuna…"
"Come on take these off," she said, tugging lightly on his shorts.
"Leave those alone!" he yelled, and tried to yank them out of her hands, but sent himself off balance and they both fell on the bed and Yuna got a fair idea of just how ‘uncomfortable’ she was making him.
"Yuna, let go of me; I want to get up."
"Don’t."
"Yuna, I’m not enjoying this."
"I can fix that."
"Yuna, I’m trying to be discreet."
"Don’t do that either. Here," she said and let go long enough to take her nightdress off."
For a very long time, Seymour didn’t move. He didn’t breathe. He was completely frozen, staring at Yuna, who was wearing nothing more than her jewelry.
Then, as Murphy’s law would have it, he finally reacted.
He shot up and grabbed his robe and threw it on.
"Where are you going?" she asked, sitting up and seeing his hand on the door.
He didn’t answer but ran out and slammed the door.
Murphy wasn’t done yet.
The moment he was out of the room, Seymour noticed his father in the hallway, barely managing not to crash into him. "What’s with all the—"
"SHUT UP!" Seymour yelled and dashed down the stairs.
"…Noise?"
"Seymo—" Yuna asked, poking her head out of the doorway. "Aaaaa!" she screamed, and slammed it closed.
"What did I do?" Jyscal asked.
Just then, he heard a yawn behind him. "Are you two fighting again?" Anzi asked, then yawned again.
"I don’t think so," Jyscal said.
The door opened again and Yuna, now fully clothed, stepped into the hallway. "Which way did Seymour run off to?"
"Run off?" Anzi asked.
"Yeah, he… I mean… um…" Yuna said, realizing Anzi’s own robe was open. Yuna had never seen anyone naturally… purple… before.
"What’s he doing now?" Jyscal asked.
"Whatever it is, you’re staying out of it," Anzi said.
"I don’t get it, he’s seen me naked before," Yuna said.
"I have not!" Jyscal yelled. "Look, young lady, I—"
"Not you," Yuna said. "Blech."
"Same to you," Jyscal said. "What exactly were you two doing in there?"
"That’s none of your business!" Yuna yelled.
"You two sound like a pair of chocobos in heat in my house, it is!"
Anzi yawned.
"Anzi, could you find Seymour, I think it’s going to get cold out there without his pants."
"Now I’m confused," Jyscal said.
"You’re confused?" Yuna asked. "I was just trying to have a romantic evening when he runs out the door in the middle of it."
"Okay, that’s it," Anzi said. "You, go!"
"But I live here!" Jyscal complained as she shoved him.
"Great, then it’s not that long of a walk."
"But I’m his father."
"Exactly why you’re not getting involved. Now shoo!"
Jyscal left, more confused that reluctant.
"Okay, sweetie, I think we need to have a little talk," Anzi said.
"Is this about sex?" Yuna asked.
"Okay, then let me put it this way," Anzi said. "Seymour didn’t have that talk."
"Why not?"
"Jyscal wouldn’t give him that talk if you threatened to stab his eyes out with a rusty nail, and… well, it’d just be weird coming from me."
"Why?"
"You’re so silly," Anzi giggled sleepily. "Besides, I’m just the maid. Look, I’m pretty sure he’s old enough that he doesn’t need it. Besides, you can fill him in on the details."
"I don’t want to fill him in on the details!" Yuna complained. "I want to have the details."
"Well, that’s a pretty good way to teach him."
"Isn’t he old enough to know all this himself?" Yuna asked.
"Well, you’re the first girl he’s brought over that wasn’t a nun, and the only thing they taught him about was Yevon stuff."
"But—"
"Why don’t you go on a date with him before you jump into a honeymoon?"
"That’s it!"
"Of course it’s it," Anzi said.
"A honeymoon."
"Wait, that’s not what I said."
"No, I can take him somewhere nice and quiet on a honeymoon! It’ll be so romantic!"
"Uh, Yuna, were you listening to anything I said?"
"Sure. Don’t worry," Yuna said.
"Too late."
"I know the perfect place. It’ll be great for picnics and dates and moonlight walks and—"
"You still need me, or do you mind if you talk to the wall about this?"
"But I need your help."
"And I need my sleep. Besides, you had my help."
"No, you just said you didn’t give Seymour any when he was young."
"I didn’t when he wasn’t young, either. Here, you tell nice Mr. Wall what you’re planning and if he thinks it’s a good idea, talk to me in the morning."
"I think it is morning."
"Afternoon then."
"But—" Yuna said as Anzi turned and started down the hallway.
"GOODNIGHT!"
"Goodnight," Yuna said happily. She knew just what to do. Wouldn’t Seymour be surprised?