"Okay, fine, Paine," Yuna said, returning to the Kilika jungle. "We’re going to do it your way!"

"Woohoo!" Paine cheered. "Wait, what’s my way? I thought we were already randomly killing everything we ran into."

"We’re going to get the plot from Seymour if I have to strangle his brains out."

"Yay!" Rikku said. "We get to save the world from… Seymour… hey! That’s boring."

"Well, we’ve been everywhere, in every hotel, talked to every NPC, done five sidequests, end even broke down three doors looking for the damn plot. Paine says he has it and he’s damn well going to give it to me!"

"Hey, where’d he go?" Paine asked.

"What do you mean?" Yuna asked.

"Well, he was right here?"

"What, here here?"

"Yeah. Right here here."

"Where? Where?" Rikku asked.

"You mean this exact spot of jungle?" Yuna asked.

"I’m positive, I remember that leaf. And that rock. And that tree."

"What about that Ochuu?" Rikku asked.

"Oh, THAT," Paine said. "No, that wasn’t there before. Maybe we didn’t leave him here."

Suddenly a rock flew past and hit the Ochuu, which didn’t react, being a plant.

"Found him," Rikku said.

"Hey! I’m over here!" they heard Seymour yell.

"Oh, wait, it was THAT rock," Paine said. "Sorry, my bad. We’re a few feet off."

"Hey!" Yuna yelled. "I think you’re our plot point! Can you—Aw fuck," she said, seeing him decide the ochuu, being a plant, would not come to him, and so he charged at it, got eaten in a rather non-bloody way. "Well, what now?

"Just wait five minutes," Paine said.

"You sure?" Yuna asked.

"Yep."

"Okay," Yuna said, and they waited five minutes, Rikku bouncing up and down the entire time.

"Well, that sucked," Seymour said, popping into existence. "I hate this."

"Oh, I get it now," Yuna said. "You can kill yourself, just not permanently."

"Well duh," Seymour said. "Actually, most times failed. My HP’s gotten so high most thing get bored after attacking me after a while."

"You just now figured this out?" Paine asked.

"Uh, yeah," Yuna said.

"You’re taking this role of main character a bit too seriously. Get your IQ points back before people start writing you into yaoi fics."

"But I’m a girl."

"That doesn’t matter," Paine warned.

Yuna made a face.

"Why did you just feed yourself to a plant?" Rikku asked.

"Don’t know... it just seemed oddly appropriate somehow."

"Hey, Seymour," Yuna said, "If we kill you can you help us with the plot?"

"I don’t have any plot," Seymour said. "Besides, I don’t need you. I can kill myself all by myself."

Seymour walked off. There was an odd crashing noise from the somewhere in the jungle.

"Wait," Paine said.

Rikku stood there bouncing.

Seymour popped back into existence. "Okay, so that didn’t work," he said. "I can do this."

This time there was no noise.

Again they waited.

Rikku was still bouncing.

Seymour popped into existence.

"Need help?" Yuna asked.

"No."

"You asked for our help before," Rikku said, still bouncing.

"Yes, but it was my idea back then."

"Your idea?" Yuna asked. "If we killed you, how would that be your idea?"

"Well, it would be my idea to ask you," he said. "I’m a man. I don’t take directions. I don’t want help, and I don’t listen."

Five minutes later, he came back. "Shut up"

Five minutes after that: "I think I’m getting the hang of this," he said reappearing the then stomping off.

Five minutes after that, the Gullwings had given up and decided to picnic if they were going to hang around for so long.

Five hours later, Seymour was banging on the door of their hotel room. "Okay," he said, out of breath. "I’m out of ideas and those piranhas have worn their teeth off and just became filter feeders. Got any ideas?"

"Yeah, going back to sleep," Rikku said. "It’s past midnight."

"Can I come in?"

"No way!"

"But the guy at the front desk keeps hitting on me."

"Oh fine," Rikku said.

"By the way, why is your sleepwear so plain and unrevealing? I mean, one would think you’d look like you wanted to be on the cover of Frederick’s of Hollywood with all the stuff you usually—"

"That sentence is too long," Rikku said. "Shut up and get inside."

Seymour wandered inside and suddenly fell on the floor as a brick hit him in the head.

Rikku stared at him. He didn’t move. He didn’t disappear. There was no cutscene.

"Yunie!" Rikku said. "It didn’t work."

"Well, at least he’s not getting away," Yuna said. "If he’s plot, he’s coming with me. I’m tired of looking for him."

"He’s six feet tall and he’s got funny blue hair," Rikku said. "Why is it so damn hard to find him when you need him?"

"You said he snuck up on you?" Paine asked.

"Shut up and restore your HP," Yuna said.

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