"What are you doing now?" Yuna asked Seymour.

"Go away, I’m meditating."

"You’re meditating yourself to death?"

"Yes," he answered. "Through meditation, I an reach an alternate plane of consciousness, and since the only other plane of consciousness is the farplane, I’ll be dead, the ultimate out-of-body experience."

"Seymour, think about what you’re doing. You’re thinking yourself to death."

"Rikku did it."

"Her head exploded."

"Then I recommend staying several feet away."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Since I ran off after you left to get lunch."

"That was three days ago."

"Three days in limbo," he corrected. "Nothing has progressed, for I have been sitting here, unmoving, and refusing to interact with anything or anyone."

"No, it’s because I spent three days looking for you."

"But you interacted. I left, thus something occurred to you. You asked where I was, went though doors, went different places, etc. I interacted with nothing, and nothing occurred, because wandering off to find a clean patch of grass does not a cutscene make."

"Well, I’m still the one in charge of causality," she said.

"Prove it," he said. "Make me get up."

"No," she said. "I don’t want to."

"I’m falling into your evil plan, aren’t I?"

"I don’t have an evil plan," Yuna exclaimed. "I can’t have an evil plan!"

"Ah, you don’t believe it is evil, as all villains do. You’re obsessed with it though, and will inevitably destroy the world if you accomplish it, despite the fact that you think you’re saving it."

"No, that was you!"

"It couldn’t have been me, for I am the main character."

"No you’re not."

"Yes I am."

"Are not."

"Am too"

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Are not."

"You’re trying to use reverse psychology on me, aren’t you?" he said. "You want me to stand up, so you’re trying to tell me you want me to stay here and thus succumb to your evil plan. Well, I’m staying right here, and can’t make me."

"Huh?"

"Hmmm, wait, I just thought of something."

"Good, because I’m going to leave getting up all to you, because I don’t know what I want you to do anymore."

"Using the principle that a=b and thus b=a, if I am connected to the causality of the world and I cannot find a way to end myself, then if the world were to end so would I."

"You can’t end the world!"

"Why not?"

"Because you just said I was going to."

"Oh, good, then I don’t have to get up. Go on and do that."

"No, I mean you just said I was going to, and that was bad."

"That’s because you’re not me."

"What?"

"Oh, good guys are allowed to screw over whoever and whatever they want. It’s only bad guys you have to keep from ending the world."

"Well, I’m the real main character here and I go around saving the world and I won’t let you. How’s about that?"

"You don’t go around saving the world, your go around hanging out with your boyfriend and finding ways to waste time. Besides your already on a quest to find him."

"Well, I changed my quest."

"You can’t change your quest. You can merely modify it so it encompasses more than it did before you learned of a new villain or devious plan."

"Well, it’s a sidequest then."

"Saving the world is a sidequest to finding your boyfriend?"

"Well, yeah, but the way you say it makes it sound pathetic."

"Go away. I don’t want you to join my party, I don’t want to further the plot because I’m trying you get out of it, and I don’t want to buy anything unless it’s guaranteed to be lethal."

"Why would I be trying to sell you something?"

"Lots of people wander around in circles and try to sell you things."

"Those are NPC’s."

"Yes, and you’ve mastered the workings of this world enough to say more than one sentence, just to interact with usually dormant wildlife in an attempt to get them to eat me."

"I’m not an NPC."

"Sure you are."

"I’m the main character."

"No you’re not."

"Of course I am."

"No, you’re an NPC; you look weird, you keep showing up, you’re always on my nerves, and it’s impossible to explain things to you."

"No, I’m the main character."

"See? You’re repeating yourself. I’m the main character. Now go away, or are you going to walk into me and shove me?"

"I’m the main character. I can solve puzzles, I can attack things, and I can get people to follow me."

"Okay, so you’re a very important NPC. You can’t change the subject, you show up knowing things I don’t and you can’t interact with anything but me."

"That’s because I want to advance the plot."

"And I said I wanted nothing to do with the plot."

"But you have to."

"Why?"

"Because when Paine’s bored she started destroying things… on a very big scale."

"Sucks to be you then."

"But Paine finally explained about combos, and you know how long it is to get sidekicks to explain things."

"I don’t want sidekicks, it means I’m in the plot."

"Screw you. I want my plot!"

"Fine, you guys can join my party, now shut up."

"Hey, you’re MY sidekick."

"I can’t be your sidekick, you’re MY sidekick. Now go find a personal quest or something."

"Look, Paine says we should all try shooting you together or something--that’s what she means by combos."

"Does this require thinking?"

"No."

"Good, then your other friend’s head should be intact."

"Look, I can’t do battles here, just go over where they are so we can kill you."

"All right. I guess this isn’t working even without your incessant ramblings."

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