Meanwhile in someplace that looks amazingly like the hideout for the Crime Syndicate, but not enough to infringe on copyright, LeBlanc and Nooj and all their flunkies were playing poker.
"I fold," Logos said.
"Me too," Baralai said.
"Three of a kind," Ormi said, putting his cards down.
"Uh… Go fish?" Gippal said.
"Either put the cards down or fold, either way you lose," LeBlanc said.
"Flush," Gippal said, gracelessly dumping his cards on the table.
"Well, I fold," Nooj said.
"Damn," LeBlanc said.
"Yay! More pogs!" Gippal said sarcastically. "Can we please play strip poker? I promise not to take my eyepatch off."
"Look, for the last time, I told you," LeBlanc said, counting on her fingers. "Fake limbs don’t count, I bought my flunkies were on sale and thus they didn’t come with any bishounenness, he cheats, and quit looking at my breasts!"
"Hey, I’ve only got one eye and I’m going to have fun with it," Gippal said.
"Why?" Baralai asked. "Aren’t they a bit… two dimensional?"
"They’re definitely too dimensional," Logos said, earning a smack on the head from LeBlanc.
"He means 2-D dumbass," Ormi said.
"I don’t know," Gippal said, answering Baralai’s question. "It’s like magic or something, I can’t quit staring at them, even with one eye."
"Which you’re going to lose in a minute," LeBlanc said.
"Hey, if you’re going to fight, I’m taking my cards away," Nooj said.
"We can have fun without you," Baralai said.
"Yeah, but I’ve still go the dirt on you guys," Nooj said.
"Right… damn."
"Why do I put up with you? Any of you?" Nooj said.
"Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be, you can just leave," LeBlanc said.
"I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ve been waiting there forever for some main character to show up."
"Then why are you here?"
"Oh, I set up a spell so I know when one shows up so I can make a speech, fight them, and the leave in the middle of the fight."
"What’s the point, though?" Baralai asked.
"What point?" Gippal asked. "As far as I can tell, there is none. We fight the main character a few times, maybe transform or throw big monsters at them, they defeat us, and get all the chicks. We’re not even paid and we usually die in the process."
"They ARE chicks," Nooj said.
"So?" Gippal asked. "When’s that mattered?"
"You now, he’s right," Logos said. "I’m tired of being comic relief and just befriending the main character at the end for flimsy reasons."
"And I’m tired of sitting around," LeBlanc said. "But we can’t just attack them."
"Why not? Isn’t that the only thing we do other than make speeches?" Gippal asked.
"Actually, speeches are all the boss seems to do," Baralai said.
"You’re fired," Nooj said.
"You can’t fire me."
"Well, shut up then."
"We hunt spheres," Ormi said.
"Yeah, unlike you, I have a job," LeBlanc said.
"So what?" Nooj said, going through the cards. "An NPC can have a job."
"They get chicks too," Gippal said. "Wait, aren’t we villains?"
"More like antagonists." Nooj asked.
"Aren’t we supposed to be kinda, y’know, spontaneous?"
"I’m waiting for them to show up so I can be spontaneous," LeBlanc said.
"Well, why can’t we be really spontaneous and attack them now?"
"We can’t do that, we have to be spontaneous at the right time," Baralai said. "That made sense, right?"
"Frankly, I don’t think we’re all supposed to be together," Nooj said. "We’re not allowed to gang up."
"Screw that," Gippal said. "We’re here now, why can’t we attack like this?"
"While playing poker?" LeBlanc asked.
"All six of us, right now. Let’s go get those main characters and teach ‘em a lesson for… uh… okay, no reason, let’s just go get ‘em."
"What?" Nooj asked. "Right now?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"I think ‘cause we’re no supposed to," LeBlanc said.
"Well, the main characters got to break a lot of rules," Logos said.
"Yeah, and now she’s famous," Ormi said.
"Wait, you mean, we’re villains AND we have to follow the rules?" Gippal asked.
"Yeah, screw this," LeBlanc said. "You in Nooj, or do I kill you and take your flunky?"
"You can’t kill me, I’m another villain," Nooj protested.
"Well, I’m with him on breaking the rules, so you’re fair game if we don’t team up."
"Wait, you mean what’s he’s been talking about is possible?" Nooj asked.
"Sure," LeBlanc said. "Don’t you take your flunkies seriously?"
"Not that much. They ARE flunkies."
"Hmm. Point," LeBlanc said. "On the other hand, we’re all here now, so that means it is possible to break rules."
"Wait, does this mean we can demand things from the main character?"
"I never thought of that," LeBlanc said. "We should try that one too."
"We could hold all time hostage!" Logos said.
"What would that accomplish? When the main character goes leveling it’s always stuck in a time-limbo," Ormi said. "Everyone on the world is used to it."
"I never said there had to be a reason for it, we just could."
"Why do something just because you can?"
"Because we’re villains, dumbass," LeBlanc said.
"Yeah," Nooj said. "Let’s go do what villains do best."
"Fail?" Gippal asked.
"Whatever they want," Nooj said.