"Why is the airship all the way over here?" Seymour asked. "It’s more than halfway across the map!"
"So?" Yuna asked. "It’s not like I’m going to get tired of walking."
"Yeah, what’s going to happen?" Rikku asked. "Someone’s going to steal it?"
"Ha!" they heard from atop the plane. "We stole your airship, what’re you going to do now?"
"Hey, look, it’s LeBlanc," Seymour said, pointing. "She owes me money."
"I hate it when cutscenes start like this," Rikku said.
"Yes!" Yuna yelled. "Plot! Finally!"
"Um, they aren’t cowering in fear," LeBlanc said.
"They never do," Nooj said.
"You didn’t steal it!" Rikku yelled. "You’re just standing on it!"
"Shut up!" LeBlanc said, and shot a gun she didn’t have last time Yuna had met her and injured Paine.
"I’m okay," Paine said.
"Wow," Rikku said. "She’s good, she actually hit flesh on you."
"Fine, choose your flunkies and we’ll battle!" Yuna said.
"No way, were staying in this cutscene, then we can finish you all off," LeBlanc said.
"That’s cheating!" Yuna said.
"That’s because we’re villains," Nooj said.
"No you’re not! You’re antagonists!" Paine said. "Even Rikku knows that!"
"Knows what?" Rikku asked
"What? You too?" Yuna asked. "You can’t do that."
"We formed a union," Nooj said.
"You can’t do that!" Yuna yelled.
"Tell us why and I’ll shoot your friend!" LeBlanc said.
"Don’t you mean—ACK!" Yuna said, as LeBlanc fired again and hit Seymour. "Phew. No one was hurt."
"What am I, then?" Seymour asked.
"My coat rack," Yuna answered, jumping at the end of her sentence as LeBlanc shot Seymour again.
"Aim higher!" Seymour yelled.
"Do something!" Yuna yelled.
"Aren’t you supposed to tell US what to do?" Paine asked.
"No, I am!" Seymour said. "This is my party!" LeBlanc shot him again. "…This isn’t having the affect I’d hoped for."
"Well, someone tell me what to do," Paine said. "I’m not the main character and I need to know what to do in battle."
"Use short words!" Rikku said, holding her head.
"Quick, anything that does long-range attacks; we can’t reach them from the ground!" Yuna said.
"You mean, we can’t just move?" Seymour asked.
This time LeBlanc shot Yuna, who didn’t care. "You’re not paying attention!"
"Would you use the right weapons at least?" Yuna yelled back.
"Hell, no!" LeBlanc answered.
"Screw this," Gippal said. "I’m not waiting around for them to attack us back."
"You know how to work that thing?" Baralai asked as Gippal picked up a bazooka.
"Sure, seen it one spheres hundreds of times," Gippal answered.
All others took a gigantic step back.
Gippal fired and a ball of fire went flying from the barrel and through the air.
"Hey, cool," Gippal said.
"That’s backwards!" Nooj said.
"Someone throw a barrel at ‘em!" Seymour said.
"We don’t have any," Paine said.
"Well, change into something that does."
"We don’t have anything that comes with barrels."
"Not even your super-ultimate transformations?"
"Nope."
"Well, if they don’t come with barrels to throw, how ultimate can they be?"
"I know!" Rikku shouted and twirled around and started glowing. When her transformation was done, Seymour had been shot five more times, Paine had had a grenade thrown at her, but just kicked it away and was unharmed, and Gippal had turned the Bazooka the right way around, yet couldn’t hit anything even if he were aiming. Meanwhile Yuna was yelling at them to give her the damn plot and Logos and Ormi had lawn chairs out and were watching the random—yet slow—battle. Baralai and Nooj were making bets on everything from who would win to who would die to who they’d end up seeing naked.
"You can’t bet on me for that!" Seymour yelled.
"Well, I just did!" Nooj yelled back.
"Ta da!" Rikku said.
"That’s your trainer outfit," Paine said, yawning as she sidestepped a lightning spell. "We’ve seen it a hundred times."
"Watch!" Rikku said, pointing at the villains. The monkey obediently leapt at them and onto Nooj, who started screaming something about rabies and ran off—literally—the plane.
"Should we follow?" Gippal asked.
Baralai shrugged.
"Great," Paine said. "Now everyone thinks this plot is on the same level as ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ for that stupid gag."
"And I liked that monkey,’ Rikku complained.
"This sucks, they aren’t doing anything," Gippal said. "Let’s go find a ronso and throw catnip at it."
Baralai shrugged.
They left.
"Hey!" LeBlanc yelled. "Damn you flunkies and your short attention span! And why aren’t you doing anything?"
"What? You want us to be useful?" Logos asked.
"If you wanted useful people, you shouldn’t have gotten better flunkies," Ormi said.
"Excuse me," Rikku, now on top of the plane, as was everyone else.
"How’d you do that?" LeBlanc asked.
"Cutscene, not a real battle, remember?" Rikku said. "Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re taking our airship back."
With that, the four non-union members went through the door on the airship in the most anti-climactic ending to a cutscene ever seen on Spira, which was quite a feat.